(TRIGGERS at the start, warning!)
Last night was probably the worst night in a while. I woke up from a nightmare and needed the toliet, so I left my brother alone but he was sleeping. Once I was in there I started thinking about my dad, memories of when he used to almost force me into the bath because I wanted to be a -mud monster!- and never wanted to be clean.
My mind flickered to the cuboard, I pulled it open and got my favourite tool out. The razor, I shouldn't do it, but I needed to get rid of all this anger and sadness inside of me. I sliced my wrist a few times, before feeling queezy. My breathing increased as I sat down, I made sure the toliet door was locked, before shutting my eyes, falling into uncontiousness.
I woke up Saturday morning to my mum singing downstairs, as I looked around, the room there was a few puddles of my dark red blood, along with my arms which where stained with red splatters mixed with the now forming scabs. I shivered at how many there where. I cleaned up the floor and bathroom and flushing everything down the toliet, luckily my t-shirt I wore to bed was black along with my boxers so you couldn't see any marks, I placed them in the washing basket and jumped into the shower. As the water hit my scars I let out a few hissing noises.
'Hurry up in there Dan!' My mum moaned, banging on the door as I climbed out.
'Ok!' I cried, running to find a towel, I wrapped myself up, making sure that my arms where also covered before walking out the bathroom.
I ran to my room and started to change, finding a long sleeved t-shirt, I decided to wear a t-shirt and a bear jumper over the top. I then pulled on some back skinny jeans and checked my phone to see Phil had rang.
'Hey!' He called through the phone once I had rang him back.
'Hi Phil.' I spoke kind of blunt. 'What did you call for?'
'Still up for staying at mine?' He sounded super excited.'
'Obviously!' I laughed down the phone, 'Just tell me a time.'
'Uh, come round at like 2? We can go into town and pick up some food for dinner as my mum is going out till late, my sister is sleeping at her friends- free house!'
''Sounds awesome- I'll see you then!' I tried to sound happy.
'What's the matter Dan?' He asked, obviously seeing my lie.
'Uh- nothing!' I faked a laugh.
'We can talk about this later-'
'Uh- ok.' I mumbled.
'Missed you these past few days!'
'Missed you more.' I smiled.
''I love you ok.'
'I love you more, ok?'
'I love you most, ok?
'Not possible, ok?'
'haha, ill see you later, bye!'
'love you, bear.' Phil spoke before hanging up. I smiled. He gave me a nickname!
-
I finished getting ready and decided not to both with straightening my hair, Phil said he prefered it curly for some crazy reason and I really cannot be bothered to do anything with it anyways.
'Please play some COD with me?' My brother smiled running round the corner and practically tackling me. I laughed before nodding and walked behind a hyper Adrian towards the lounge area where he had it prepared. We got on and sat on the sofa, a duvet covering us and Adrian's legs in my lap. He lent his body into my torso, as he was still quite small and I was really tall for my age.
We played until I had to leave.
'Please don't go!' He pulled a sad face rapping is arms around my waist.
'Miss you already buddy.' I faked a sob.
'Love you Dan, you are the best brother I could ask for!' Adrian smiled, kissing my cheek before skipping off. I faked a loud ew noise, but inside my body felt so warm and cosy.
I walked to Phil's, the weather hated me and started to rain, and with no cover apart from a bag with a few things in I had no protection.
I reached Phil's house and was quickly greeted by him opening the door and squeezing me tight.
'Missed you.' He smiled continuing to hug me.
'Hi Dan!' Phil's mum called. She walked over and gave me a small awkward hug before apologising about my father.
'He will be greatly missed but he passed away doing what he believed in and I am proud.' I smiled. Trying not to show that I am truly broken inside.
-
Me and Phil walked up the stairs to Phil's room. I am never going to get used to his house when it's so tidy. But I opened his door and felt right at home again.
'I have banned her from my room, but the feeling is mutual, sorry for any underwear or food- or both..' Phil laughed,
'Its ok- should we go to the shops now?' I smiled.
'Sure.' Phil replied his face smiling as usual.
