i sleep naked ➸ larry stylinson

thirty

cold.

it was so cold.

maybe, if he kept his eyes closed, it would go away. these dreams.

his arms were so real. warm.

he blinked the falling snow out of his eyelashes, causing icy water to slide down his numb, stinging cheeks.

louis was really there.

"it was just a dream."

his voice.

"you passed out, harry."

harry was shaking, he was shaking really hard in louis' arms and he needed a blanket.

"can you speak for me, angel?"

harry still felt the lingering warmth on his shoulder from when louis touched him earlier.

but it was so hazy, and he wondered what was even real.

he could remember laying down in the snow, spreading his arms out really wide and letting the white snowflakes land on him gently, one by one.

louis screamed, he remembered that too.

and his dad was there, with his green eyes and he tried to kiss him and hurt him.

"where's my dad?" harry whispered, closing his eyes with every step louis took in the dark, towards a street lamp that was barely visible through the heavy snow. "why did he hurt me?"

louis' eyes softened, glowing pale blue in the dark blizzard, and his lips were pale, and he was shivering.

"you fell asleep. and i tried to wake you up and i screamed your name but you were just crying and i didn't," he trailed off, looking into the distance as a tear rolled down his cheek. "i didn't know what to do and i was so worried about you, angel."

harry didn't know what to say, because he could remember clearly walking into that cold house and laying on the flower mattress that... that still lived in his attic.

maybe it was a dream.

his mind was too frozen to bear a sensible thought, so he instead laid his head against louis' chest, feeling the slick material of his coat underneath his cheek and his head bobbed up and down with every crunching, slow step louis took through the knee deep snow.

he could almost fall asleep, except for the fact that he felt like he had hypothermia and his toes were long past numb.

"why did you come out here, hazza?"

hazza.

"i was tired of sitting," harry murmured, feeling his eyes droop a little with the gentle rhythm he was bouncing in. "so i went out for a stroll."

"in the middle of a blizzard, two days before christmas?" louis chuckled a bit. "harold, you amuse me with things like this. you're so cute, and innocent, and you freaking scared me to death because you just fell backwards and i didn't know if you were breathing and you looked so miserable but you weren't moving and i-"

harry had no idea what to say when louis began to cry, silently and he looked so.. scared.

"you're so small." as if to prove his point, he squeezed harry tightly in his arms, and harry just scrunched up a little bit, snuggling his head impossibly farther into louis' chest. "my pretty paper doll."

and when louis squeezed him again, placing a shaky, yet warm kiss on harry's cold forehead, harry felt his heart feel that way again, he felt love. a soft flutter that even the most self control in the world couldn't stop. he loved louis. he loved him even though he didn't want to, he really didn't.

okay, maybe a little.

harry realised that louis was carrying him back to the coffee shop, and niall's car was still parked there, now covered in white snow up to the door handles. harry let louis open the passenger door and lay him down, before rushing to the driver's side and turning the key.

the heat that blasted through the vents was wonderful, it really was, but harry was wondering why they didn't go into the coffee shop.

it seemed as if louis read his mind. "the door is blocked with snow, angel."

harry nodded numbly, feeling his toes and hands tingle as blood began to rush through them. he flinched when louis leaned over and started pulling his clothes off, and it reminded him of his dream.

"harry, it's okay," louis murmured. "your wet clothes are making you colder, breathe." harry let out a breath, letting louis unzip his blue coat.

then his wet shirt was coming off and his chest was bare and louis' hot hands were on his skin and he suddenly couldn't breathe. his skin was hot, his fingers leaving a burning trail in their path as louis' tiny hands slowly slid down across his stomach and he squeezed his hipbones gently.

harry felt lust burning in his heart, matching with the heat of the car.

and he didn't even tell himself to stop when he leaned over and pressed a bruising kiss to louis' lips, erasing any memories of his father and the mattress with flowers and the smell of alcohol. because now all he could smell was clean laundry and honey and that boy and sweat smell that he loved.

he breathed in through his nose deeply as louis kissed him back, with the same amount of passion and lust and harry could practically see the car windows fogging up.

their lips molded together perfectly, moving in a little dance as their hands flitted across each other's faces and hair and arms, as if memorizing every part of each other.

i miss this, harry thought with a dull ache in his chest. i missed sunshine. sunshine.

"'m sorry," louis whispered as they parted for a few seconds, catching their breaths.

harry could feel every part of his body getting warmer and it kind of hurt but he was too focused on louis' eyes, on how they reflected the gently falling snow, pale blue with little speckles of white. his eyes were wide, as if he was surprised, and there was this tiny little smile on his lips, heavy, shaky breaths escaping into the warm air of the car.

"i don't know what i was thinking when i said that, i was just so overwhelmed and then i was scared you hated me. i thought that you had moved on, and maybe you have, but i still love you, like so much, really, more than life."

harry just kept his steady gaze on louis' face, which was flushed from the cold it was exposed to earlier, either that or a blush.

and then green met blue again, and they kissed, they kissed until their lungs were burning and harry felt a pang somewhere at the bottom of his ribs, maybe it was because he loved it but it felt like someone was pushing on his stomach and he could just feel something.

louis pulled back, breathless, examining harry's face with his eyebrows pulled together.

"i love you, okay?"

harry smiled, nudging his forehead into louis' slightly and averting his eyes to his hands.

"okay."

there was a long pause, when all you could hear was kissing and it was wonderful but harry could make out somewhere in the mix louis saying, "be my boyfriend?"

and he just kinda nodded, but really he was smiling too much to say anything.

***

short update because i'm camping this weekend and i wanna give you something.

-kayla x