i sleep naked ➸ larry stylinson

thirty nine

Trigger Warning: Self-Harm

harry really loved rainy days.

it was raining today, quite hard and it swept against the windows roughly.

harry could hear a steady rumble of thunder, as if it was background music for the pounding rain. he wrapped a blanket around his shoulders, the cool air of outside causing it to be cold inside too. his mum wasn't home; she never was anymore. harry could only assume she was working, or maybe shopping. he had a tugging feeling that she was still seeing ross, but that was her right and none of harry's business.

well, it used to be his business until his mum shut him out.

harry was sitting on the couch, the telly muted in front of him on a random cartoon. he was holding a cuppa in his hands, letting the warmth from the tea seep into his skin. it seemed that harry only would drink these days; when he ate it wasn't much.

louis and him had skyped again, and he decided he wasn't going to take his shirt off. louis called him angel again, but it was half-hearted and kind of... kind of like he said it as a habit. harry knew that louis thought that he was fat, he knew.

harry gulped some tea, feeling the hot liquid cause a warmth in his chest to spread throughout his body. the house smelled of laundry detergent; harry had swept and cleaned the whole thing before doing all of the laundry.

harry tried not to let his mind wander to places he didn't want it to go, but it was quite hard when he had nothing to do as it was a friday night and zayn and niall were going out somewhere. his heart ached every time he thought about the fact that they ignored him now; but he knew he was a nuisance. they didn't want him around. who would want a fat, ugly, sensitive person hanging around all the time? harry knew that his friends didn't like his obsessive compulsive disorder or anxiety issues that came with his aspergers.

harry didn't realise he was crying until a tear splashed into his hot tea, causing the surface to ripple a bit. he brought his fingertips under his eyes, feeling the hot stinging moisture that signaled that he was, in fact, crying. he blinked his eyes quickly, taking a thick gulp and trying to numb the ache in his chest by not thinking.

but there was this person that was always at least in the corner of his cluttered mind. the last time harry saw him he was wearing these glasses that framed his wonderful blue eyes perfectly. his lips looked dark red on the camera and his eyelids were tainted a light lilac color, probably from lack of sleep. his nose was just as perfect as always, and his eyelashes just looked so incredibly long.

"are we still okay?" louis had asked him, brushing his fringe skillfully across his pale forehead with his eyebrows furrowed.

"yeah," harry whispered back, gripping the sides of his laptop incredibly tight, and it took everything in him not to shut the lid of his laptop. so he bit his lip hardly, until it drew blood. louis didn't seem to notice that he was upset, either that or he didn't care.

"i was thinking of coming down to visit sometime," louis had continued, leaning closer to the camera.

"yeah," harry said again.

"and maybe i could bring mitchell. i kind of want you to meet him."

"yeah."

the worse part of the skype call was that louis had logged out before harry had the chance to do their routine "blow a kiss to the camera." he sat there, frozen with his fingers still on his lips, and he was blushing and he hoped louis didn't see him beginning to do it.

that night, he read the book louis had wrote him, and then he had to hold himself to together, to keep from falling apart.

the rain was starting to pour harder, the thunder shaking the house. harry gripped his mug tighter in his hands, causing his knuckles to go white. he was holding it so tight, in fact, that it caused his hand to slide forward and the tea spilled all over his body.