Less Than Alive: Still Kicking

Stores: They Go Boom

“So sign here,” she said, tapping her finger on a dotted line near the bottom of the page.

“And here, and here. Your initials here,” she added, flipping the pages. “And your number on this.” Happy End slipped a little piece of looseleaf over the club contract, winking at me as I looked at her. “Just in case.”

I gulped, nodded and tried really, really hard to remember the number, scribbling it on the page as it came to mind.

We were in the Gardening club. Not the gigantic arboretum, but a small, modest room tucked in between the supply sheds and the offices of the head gardener. The room was sparse, only lit with a simple light fixture on the ceiling and two narrow windows facing the enclosed forest, through which we could just barely see the school buildings. All we had, for now, was a pair of sturdy chairs and a wooden table.

Rather bland, huh? It’s not like they don’t have a billion-dollar budget for this little school. Couldn't even afford a light fixture for the lil’ gardening club? Not that I would usually care, save that, as of right then, I was part of that two-member club. Not quite sure how I feel about that.

“Okay, one last step!” Happy End said with infinitely more cheerfulness than I wanted to hear from her.

Then again, she was apparently the embodiment of an Elder God, able to munch on anything organic, and had been ever since before I had met her. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating on the Elder God thing, but she’s strong, all right? And I’m sure she’d give Lovecraft the willies too.

Happy End leaned into me, a sly smile crossing her features as the fact that we were very much alone here crossed my mind. She bent forwards and I saw something shiny and green held loosely between her fingertips before she tilted her head out of view over my chest.

She tugged at the material of my shirt just under the school’s crest then backed away, her smile turning victorious as she flushed. “Congratulations! You’re now the third official member of the gardening club! Maybe the history books will remember you after all?”

“Third member?” I asked, trying to erase the dirty thoughts from my mind. On my chest hung the tiny gold-and-green symbol of a rose. Totally manly.

She nodded her head towards the table where the paperwork sat. “Yeah, someone came in here before us and signed on. A girl, judging by the signature and whatnot. Don’t think I’ve ever heard of her.”

Stuck in here with two girls, huh? Interesting.

“Speaking of earlier,” Happy End said, pointedly looking at the one piece of decoration we had in there, a wall-mounted clock. “Looks like we wasted a fair share of time with the trees. I still have two clubs to join before the day’s end. What about you?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess. Still not sure which group to join...” I admitted. But I could only join two anyway, right? So no biggy. “Which are you going for next?”

“Hmm. The Robotics Engineering Club.”

I could see it now: Happy End, crossing the world and changing nature itself as she saw fit, an army of battle droids devastating all who refused to bend to her will as she fought the universe itself, justifying death and murder as something that would have happened anyway through the natural course of things. Creepy.

She must’ve read the surprise in my eyes because she began to fill me in on the details. “It’s a level four and up club, and it looks like it’s going to fill up fast. But I think I can use my high level to squeeze in, even if it’s a little late.”

I was still blinking dumbly, which, apparently, meant that she should go on. If I’d known that looking stupid is all you needed to get noticed by women, I would’ve tie-dyed my hair this morning. “I kinda already understand the organic universe, and I want to learn a bit more about the more... technical one. Physics and whatnot’s too boring though, so this seems like a nice compromise. Do you want to join too?”