the end of the fucking world; season 2

six; james

I bury my head in Alyssa's shoulder and, just for a moment, I allow myself to think only about her. About the way she always smells like spearmint toothpaste and the way her hair feels against my face, tickling my cheek, and the way her hands feel wrapped around me. I close my eyes and imagine a world where it is just Alyssa and I, where we were free to go anywhere and do anything. I reach one hand up and place it on the back of her head, trying to get her as physically close as I can.

Before Alyssa, the thought of doing this with someone would've really disgusted me. In fact, I don't think I'd ever even thought about it all all, really. But something clicked in me when I met her and now all I want is for us to stay like this forever.

But we can't. And at some point, she pulls away and looks me in the eye, using the sleeve of her jumper to wipe the tears on her face away. "I'm so sorry, James. This isn't fair. I should be here with you, being trialed for the same thing as you."

I shake my head. "No, Alyssa. I am the one who should be here." I pause. "And for the record - I'll never regret what I did. If it saved you from him... I'll never regret it." I sigh deeply, grabbing her hand and holding onto it as tightly as I can.

Alyssa breaks eye contact with me and looks down at her hand in mine. "I got off so lightly though, James," she says quietly. "A £2,000 fine and six months of community service is nothing compared to even what you've already been through."

Despite myself, I feel a small smile creep onto my face as I pull her back into a hug and congratulate her on her relative freedom. I know I should feel scared, and deep down I do, but I also feel happy. Happy that Alyssa will be able to live her life no matter what happens to me.

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Later, when Alyssa has gone and one of the nurses is changing my dressings, I meet my lawyer for the first time. She is tall, with sleek blond hair and a blunt fringe. She wears a pantsuit and carries a suitcase which makes her look rather stern, but she still offers me a warm smile when she sees me. She is followed closely by Dr. Goodman.

"It's nice to meet you, James," the woman says, extending her hand for me to shake, which I do. "My name is Karen."

"Hi," I say, quieter than I intended to. My voice is still a little hoarse from not talking much.

"This is my lawyer James," Dr Goodman says warmly, "and now she's yours, too."

Dr Goodman and Karen spend the evening with me, discussing the trial with me and asking me about the Polaroid's. I explain why we left them out, to show why I'd down what I'd done, and Karen says DC Noon is working on recovering them, or at least some of them. Karen suggests I plead guilty to manslaughter. She says this way, we are more likely to win because people will see Alyssa and I more as frightened, troubled teens than heartless killers.

I know, somewhere deep inside me, however, that I am not going to win. I know I won't see the light of day for a long time now. I know this. But I have to stay strong for Alyssa. I have to stay strong for her.

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Heyyyy there, sorry I haven't updated in a while. I hope you guys are well and that you had an amazing Christmas and new year! I've been super busy with university and I start my placement this coming week so things are kind of hectic. I know this chapter is a little shorter but I wanted to get something out at least. :)

I'm not sure if you guys still want to see updates on this since the second season comes out so soon anyway :/ please let me know, if you guys still want to see it I'll try to update more often. :)