Unspoken

13

V left soon after that, but if he said where he was going, I didn't hear him.

          What was I going to do?

           Should I tell him, or not tell him?

            If I told him, he would either be understanding, or angry. If I didn't tell him, he would either find out, or not. If he found out, he would be mad at me for telling. So... I had to tell him.

           The thought made me tense up. No. I couldn't face him.

           A small part of my mind told me that I was overreacting. Of course Suga wouldn't mind. He might be a bit annoyed, but it didn't matter that much. However, the rest of my mind wouldn't listen.

           What to do what to do what to do fuck fuck fuck

           No option was good.

           My mind was racing so much it felt like it was sprinting a marathon. My brain hurt. And my body hurt because I was so tensed up. Adrenaline was running through me as I thought at the speed of light.

           I can't do it I can't do it why did I say that I'm so stupid I can't I can't icanticanticant...

           I began rocking back and forth. My eyes watered. The monologue in my head devolved into incoherent mutterings.

           This was an anxiety attack. I'd had a few before, and I knew that there was nothing I could do. Just wait until it passed. Let it happen. I would feel better later.

           But right now, it was hell.