One Last Thing ✅

seventeen things

When I hear Grams talking, I am confused.

For a second, I think it was all a dream, and really I'm back at home, sleeping in, and my hand is fine and Jared hasn't dumped me and my mother isn't getting out of jail and everything is perfect.

"How long has she been sleeping?" I hear Grams ask.

I open one eye. Light pours through the windows into the hospital room. My heart sinks when I realize everything was real—is real.

"Ssssssh," Grams says. "Look. She's awake."

I look across the room and spot Grams standing with a nurse I haven't seen before. Grams is clutching her purse, a pretty green leather thing I got at Goodwill for her birthday last year.

The nurse mentions something about getting Dr. Knowles and disappears.

"Well, the doctor says you're very lucky to be alive." Grams, a nurse in a previous life, goes to the sink and fills a paper cup with water. She brings it to me and holds it to my lips. I drink. "But she said she'd release you tomorrow if you're feeling up to it." She doesn't say anything about medical bills, but I can see the worry in her eyes. Even with insurance, any time one of us gets sick is expensive.

"I'm sorry, Grams," I say.

The forgiveness in her eyes kills me.

"Well, it was an accident," she says. "I'm just glad you're okay."

There's a sharp rap at the door.

"Come in," Grams calls.

Chief Elliot walks into the room. His normally crisp police chief uniform is wrinkled. There are deep circles beneath his eyes, as if he hasn't slept. His hat is in his hands, and he eyes Grams apologetically. Suddenly I remember the familiar voice I heard shortly after the accident, the strong hands on my face. It was him.

"Hello, Sarah," he says to Grams.

The last time the two of them were in the same room, they were yelling at me and Riley for skipping town to see Violet Crumble play in Minneapolis. Riley and I sat on a cream colored couch in her living room while her parents and Grams towered over us, showering us with questions and telling us all the terrible things that could have happened to us.

"Hello, Adam," Grams says, getting to her feet.

I wonder if she's remembering that night, too.

Chief Elliot turns to me, hat in his hands. "How are you doing, sweetheart?"

"I'm okay," I say, cheeks burning. I'm ashamed to be here. Suddenly I'm painfully aware of the fact that all I'm wearing is a hospital robe. I pull the sheets up over my chest and then fix my eyes on my bandaged hand.

"I'm sorry to have to do this, but I wanted to be the one..." his voice trails off.

"What's going on?" Grams asks.

Riley's father seems reluctant to get to the point of his visit, but he continues. "There's no good way to phrase this. Mrs. Edwards has passed away."

Mrs. Edwards.

"I don't understand," Grams says, confused. "Lil, do you have any idea what he's talking about?"

I shake my head in bewilderment.

Passed away?

I remember a lesson Mrs. Edwards taught last week on euphemisms. Passed away is a more polite way of saying someone has died.

Wait a minute.

"Mrs. Edwards is dead?" I squeak.

A flash from the night before.

A horn honking.

Headlights.

There was another car.

It can't be.

NO.

Chief Elliot clears his throat.

"She was the person in the other car. Lil hit her head on. She's... she's gone."

Gone. Mrs. Edwards is gone.

And I'm still here.

Here I've been lying in bed, feeling sorry for myself because of my stupid hand, while Mrs. Edwards is dead. Fucking DEAD.

I don't know how many minutes go by with no one talking.

I realize Grams is crying across the room. I wonder what she's thinking. If she's wishing she got rid of me when she had the chance. She should have put me up for adoption. She should have known I wouldn't amount to anything worthwhile. Little did she know I'd become a Royal Fuckup, not just a whiney teenager to live off her meager paycheck and skip town to go see a band play. No, I surpassed her expectations. I ended an innocent woman's life.

A wife.

A mother.

I am a fucking overachiever.

Chief Elliot takes a step toward me. "Liliana, honey, I'm sorry to have to do this. Since you're in the hospital, I'll stay with you until you're released. But then I'm going to have to take you to the police station." And then he starts to say the words I know from hearing them so often on television. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?" He waits, looking at me with pity in his eyes.

My brain can't come up with a response that makes any sense. I open my mouth, move my lips, close them again. No sound will come out. I want to cry, but there are no tears. Finally, I just nod.

"I'll be right outside," Chief Elliot says uncertainly. He puts his hat on and walks toward the door. "I'll give you some time to yourselves. I'm so sorry."