Soul of Ice

Chapter Thirty-Six

"Now, where were we?" Carina asked, musing. "Oh right." She twirled the dagger in her hand again, and then before Astra realized what she was doing, she slammed the blade down on Dalen's pinky.

Astra screamed, even before Dalen screamed.

His pinky, oh gods, oh gods. "You bitch!" Astra screamed, rocking her chair as she tried to get out. "I'll kill you. I swear! I'll kill you!" She summoned three ice knives in the air, sending them flying toward Carina.

She sent them away with a wave of her hand, her wind magic effectively smashing them into the wall. "Don't be so dramatic. It was just one finger. That was for having your brother answer my question, and not answering my question yourself," Carina explained calmly. "Honestly, I should take another three fingers for throwing those knives at me. Take care of him. I'll be back soon."

Astra didn't even realized that the ropes binding her had been cut until Riviera had closed the door behind her and locked it.

Dalen gasped as he stared at the blood gushing out of his knuckle, tears streaming down his face.

Oh gods. Astra shrugged the ropes off of herself and grabbed his hand, shoving it high into the air so it was above his heart. Oh gods, he was going into shock. Oh gods, Carina had actually chopped his finger off. The severed pinky sat innocently on the table. She pressed her lips together and looked away.

"Hold on," she told him. "Hold on." It wasn't a fatal injury, but still. Still. She'd sworn she would protect him, and now... now... the pressure in her chest was unbearable. She had failed. And yet, why had she been surprised? She should have know. She should have expected this. Carina. Riviera. The girl who had heartlessly mutilated Tyanne's face. A pinky must have been nothing.

Astra ripped off a large piece of fabric from one of the inner layers of her dress, where the dirt and blood hadn't yet gotten to. Her hands were shaking slightly, and she forced herself to take a breath before she tried to gently wipe off as much blood. Then, she ripped another piece off her dress to wrap it tightly around the stump of his knuckle.

"I'm sorry," she said and wiped a stray tear that she hadn't notice had fallen. Her fingers were grimy and dirty and bloody. The silence grated on her, and her stomach turned and fell and turned. "I'm sorry. For everything."

Dalen didn't respond.

"I'm sorry," she said. She didn't know what else to say or if there was even anything she could say to make the situation better. "I never wanted to hurt you." Her fingers fumbled again as she watched the blood from the mutilated hand color the rudimentary bandage. Astra unwound the fabric and tore another large piece of her dress to tie around his stump again.

Dalen hissed in pain, and Astra muttered more broken apologies, trying to fix it. She said aloud, "I'll fix this. I swear."

Her brother didn't respond, but Astra wondered if he was thinking along the same lines as she was. How was she supposed to fix anything? It wasn't like she could reattach his finger. Besides, they were caught. Trapped. Soon, Riviera would come back. The best case scenario was a quick death for the both of them. The worst case scenario would be torturing them for intelligence on Varaly and Solasia.

Astra held onto his hand. She repeated, "I never wanted to hurt you. Never."

"What does it matter what you wanted when it already happened?" Dalen snapped, the dazed look in his eyes slowly receding. "What does it matter? I wanted a lot of things, too. I wanted you to not leave me, over and over again. I wanted to have a childhood." He held up his hand, wrapped, but still shaking and pale. "You don't get what you want, not unless you work for it. That's what I've learned all those years you weren't there. And you never worked for it."

"Yes, I did," she protested. It sounded weak, even to her.

With his pale face and shaking body, her brother's sneer wasn't as powerful as before, but it still tore at her. "I don't want to talk to you." He cradled his bound hand to his chest and looked away from her.

Astra retreated back to her seat and stared down at the ground. She asked, "You hate me, don't you?"

Dalen didn't bother responding.

She ran a hand through her hair; it had started falling out of the elaborate hairstyle her maids had done for her. She said, "Xernes found it very quickly who I was when he took me in. I was too young, too naive, too stupid. He wanted me for leverage, and he knew how close I was to you. He threatened that he would kidnap you and make me watch as he tortured you."

Dalen didn't say anything. He didn't even indicate if he was listening at all, but she continued, "Maybe you hate that I chose you over everything because it didn't matter what horrible things he wanted me to. Spy, torture, kill." She paused and bit her lip. "I once tortured a girl in front of her father to make him talk. I kept imagining the girl as you and the father as me. It didn't matter. I did what I had to to keep you safe. Always."

He asked, "Then why run?"

Regret filled Astra. "Because I thought you were dead. I was infiltrating a dinner party at the time. News said you were dead. I had nothing left to hold me back"

He shook his head. "Ambush. It took me a week to find my way back after my men abandoned me, but I was alive."

She'd left just days after the rumors she'd heard at the dinner party and hadn't bothered to update herself, foolishly believing there was no point and that she would be in the Beaukarou Basin soon enough. Fool. She was a fool, and she had always been a fool.

"I do hate you," the prince said quietly minutes later. "How many people's lives did you trade for mine? How many more did you destroy?"

She was quiet. She didn't know.

"Was it worth it?"

That was easy to answer. Astra looked up to meet Dalen's eyes—the same shade of blue as hers. "Yes." It had always been worth it. And it would always be worth it—to see him alive and well, even if the cost was her soul.

Her brother shook his head again. "You're a monster," he intoned. "Don't bother saving me next time or ever again. Whatever happens next, I hope I never see you again."

"You don't mean that," Astra said. She felt like everything was shifting and moving, and she gripped the armrest of the chair to reassure herself that she was still sitting and not falling. "You don't mean that. I did it for you, can't you understand that?"

"I don't want you trading the lives of innocents for mine," he said, voice heavy and serious. "I don't want you in my life. All you bring is tragedy and death, haven't you noticed?" A tear traced down his cheek, but he continued on, "I want you out."

She took in a deep breath, willing herself to not cry. She was done shedding tears. "Alright," she breathed. "Alright. I'm sorry, Your Highness. You're absolutely right. Whatever happens, I'll get out of your life, and I'll stay out."

The prince looked away again. "Good."