FOOLS [2; CHRIS EVANS]

XIX.

SEBASTIAN
where's clayton

TOM
she isn't on set today ??

SEBASTIAN
I know she's gonna be here bc she sent an annoying ass 7 minute long voice recording to me at 3am about how she's 'here to stay, bitch' and I 'better watch my back today' ??

SEBASTIAN
so come on WENCH show yourself

SEBASTIAN
let's fight already

CHRIS
she'd whoop your ass and you know it

MINNIE
I'm not even there 🤪

SEBASTIAN
but —

SEBASTIAN
why threaten me then

MINNIE
I mean I WAS gonna come fight you, I had every intention of doing so because I absolutely would've won

SEBASTIAN
you have the physique of a limp noodle ??

LIZZIE
she could still take you — she's quicker than you, old man

MARK
hey! if he's old what does that make me ??

MARK
Oh my GOD what does that make ROBERT

LIZZIE
that's easy! you're a dinosaur and he's a fossil

ROBERT
excuse you ???

SEBASTIAN
shut up I wanna find out why it didn't fight me

CHRIS
it ?? she's hardly pennywise, seb

SEBASTIAN
enough of your tomfoolery, Christopher

TOM
did someone say TOM

ANTHONY
why would that be of any concern to you, tim

MARK
this is a mess why did I get added

MINNIE
as I was saying, I WANTED to fight you so so bad this morning

MINNIE
but i believe that robert intentionally gave me food poisoning with that "peace offering barbecue" he held at his dumb village last night (hence why I was awake at 3am) so unfortunately we'll have to postpone

TOM
don't fall for it seb! she's probably waiting to ambush you somewhere

SEBASTIAN
hush tom

ROBERT
I mean I have to agree with the kid though, that DOES sound exactly like something Minnie would do

MINNIE
you're just trying to cover your back so no one suspects that you POISONED ME

ROBERT
I would never —

MINNIE
poisoned!!! maliciously and deliberately! I'm selling the story 🤑

ROBERT
oh please as if I'd do something so obvious ??

ROBERT
if I'd have wanted you gone you wouldn't have even made it out of civil war in one piece

MINNIE
whoa okay a lil harsh there rob

ROBERT
I stand by it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

SEBASTIAN
you're all bark and no bite, clayton

MINNIE
dude give it up

MINNIE
I'm SICK it wouldn't be a fair fight

SEBASTIAN
I thought that emotionless robots couldn't catch anything

MINNIE
idk it could be a virus 🤪

MINNIE
oh wow I'm wasted as an actress

SEBASTIAN
why don't you just QUIT then

MINNIE
why would I wanna do that when I can be there to annoy you every day of the next year !!!!

SEBASTIAN
apart from today, supposedly

MINNIE
unless I make a miraculous recovery 👀

TOM
I think that was a threat, seb

SEBASTIAN
sHUT UP

LIZZIE
yeah it was definitely a threat

SEBASTIAN
I said shUT UP

MINNIE
and if not I can just come throw up on your shoes, ig ://

SEBASTIAN
dO it I dARE YOU

MARK
what — I want to leave

CHRIS
oh but mark, you can't — your part of the chain now

ANTHONY
you're stuck with us!

TOM
ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

MARK
fuck!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: messy, but what's new. just tryna get to the actual plot now !!