Crossroads

Chapter 1. "Crossroads."

Hi, everybody!

So, this idea came to me a while ago and I just had to post it.

With my Prince Caspian Fanfic (which by they way is not related to this fic but you should totally read it anyways), I gave the Caspian/Susan another turn but this storyline is really interesting as well.

If you like it, I might continue this currently oneshot. I wouldn't mind exploring this a bit more.

Let me know your thoughts! Thanks for reading xx.

The war was finally over.

The telmarines were defeated, Miraz was dead, Aslan was back and her siblings had all managed to survive.

It was strange, to survive a war. To realize there's life after all the violence, the battle, the deaths. And it didn't matter how many wars she fought, to Susan war would never be something she could be used to.

How do you get used to it?

How could you go calmly into war, knowing your loved ones or yourself might not make it?

If you read history books about the Narnian Golden Age, you would see that Queen Susan didn't go to battle because she was too ladylike.

Which it's...well, she only fought when it was absolutely necessary but not because she didn't want to mess her dress, but because she hated this.

The afternath.

They had already buried their loved ones. Everyone had said their goodbyes and now, they were readying everything to ride to the telmarine's castle first thing in the morning.

As the How's structure had been weakened by the telmarine catapults, they had decided not to take any risks and camp outside. As tents were lifted, fires were lighted and food was shared, everyone's spirits were down.

Her siblings, Caspian and herself tried to help as much as they could in that area but they tried not to push too much. After all, how on Earth do you cheer your people when they are mourning?

Susan sighed internally as the telmarine prince walked past her with a high pile of wood.

Caspian.

After her experience with Rabadash, princes, lords and kings still tried to be her suitor but she never allowed herself to even like any of them and once she went back to England, she isolated herself.

She gave herself time to heal and to grief the loss of her innocence and once she regained her confidence, she just didn't know if there would be anyone who could believe her story.

A queen in Narnia, a teenager student in England. That was just something no one could understand.

So she closed herself. She put walls around her and eased into the comfort they brought. Since she wasn't looking for love, she could perfectly protect herself from the pain as well.

That was, of course, until Caspian. His kindred soul, his beautiful personality and his great kindness had slowly but surely destroyed every single wall she built.

And now, the war had ended and until herself and her siblings were told whether they were staying in Narnia this time, there was nothing stopping them from being together.

And that very reason was why Susan stood apart from the camp and in the dark, bow and arrows on her back, head looking up as she stared at the How deep in thought.

She had been avoiding Caspian ever since the battle had ended.

She just hoped he hadn't noticed.

"You've been avoiding me"

Susan cursed internally as she turned around, slightly startled. She really thought she was doing a good job "Why would you say that, Caspian?"

Caspian smiled as she stood beside her. He too looked up at the How as he clasped his hands behind his back "I know I might be dense sometimes but I notice things, especially when it comes to you"

"Well, you noticed wrong. I am always thoughtful after a battle" Susan looked at him with a smile, only to halt when he looked back at her with so loving eyes.

Her smile melt as she looked back towards the How. That look had decided everything.

She had been at a crossroad as to what to do with her feelings about this amazing young man but now, she had at last chosen a path.

She wished she didn't have to do this, though. She loved him too much already.

Caspian sighed beside her "You don't want to be with me, do you?"

Susan closed her eyes in pain as she thought of her answer. He deserved the truth so for the first time in who knows how long, she didn't break, but opened her last wall.

She gave up on her queen' mode and became just Susan, just a young girl who loved a boy for the very first time.

"Aslan still hasn't told us whether we are staying" she started as she forced herself to look at him, her heart hurting at the pain and understanding she saw in his eyes "I can't allow myself to be with you without knowing whether I'm staying or not. I don't want to waste yours or my time"

"It is not a waste of time and you know it" Caspian said hotly. He held her face between his hands "You don't have to be scared, Su, I could never hurt you"

"And if I have to leave?" Su answered, her voice breaking as the first tear fell "Would you wait for me until I came back? Even if I never did?"

"I would wait for you all my life"

"No! I won't allow that!" Susan exclaimed, pushing Caspian away from her "After all you've been through, you deserve a chance to be happy! I deserve a chance to be happy! We deserve more than a romantically tragic story!"

Susan turned around from Caspian as she took deep breaths, trying to calm herself.

"Are you sure all those reasons are not excuses? And you actually don't want to be with me because you just don't feel that way about me?"

She didn't know what hurt the most. What he said or how broken his voice sounded.

She wished she could lie. She really did.

But to him, she could never say nothing but the truth.

She turned around slowly, wiping her tears as they gazed at eachother.

No one knows who kissed who first but the kiss was no near sweet. It was desperate and sad, it was the type of kiss a couple has before saying goodbye for the last time.

But to them, it was the perfect way to express what they felt.

"I love you, Caspian" Susan whispered as they finally broke apart. She reached up to hold his face between her hands "And if we get together, I will fall deeply for you. But if we end up leaving, I will break. I love you so much and if I get to stay, then we can have this conversation again but I have to protect myself while I can. I will not break again"

Slowly, painfully, she extracted herself from his arms.

"I love you too, Susan"

Susan couldn't help but smile as the last two tears fell down her cheeks. She had to be again in queen' mode by the time she made it back to the camp.

"I know" she replied, her voice wavering as her last wall started to close again "I'm so sorry"

And with that, she finally freed herself from Caspian's hand and started walking back towards the castle.

She breathed deeply as she felt herself closing once again, regaining her serenity until at last, she was again Queen Susan.

But this time, there was something different.

Her carefully guarded heart, it had been cracked.