Chapter 3

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That night, I remained fuming in my room all alone with my parents still at work. They were never here, and that made it that much easier to do whatever the hell I wanted to at any given time. I drank the full water bottle that was filled with vodka without even giving myself the chance to breathe. I downed the bottle as quick as I could but I didn't feel any different besides the stinging in the back of my throat. People weren't kidding when they said that plain vodka tasted like straight up rubbing alcohol without chased with anything. I didn't want to use a chaser though; I wanted to feel the strong burning of the back of my throat and my sinuses. I wanted to feel something other than the hurt that my supposed best friend caused me. I didn't understand how she could do this to me but I guess she wasn't as real as I thought she was. Fuck her. Then again I already did and my subconscious wouldn't let that go like I wished I could.

Of course this was going to be one of the only things I thought about now, but I didn't want to. I wanted to rid of the pain and I found the perfect way to do so. I grabbed the pack of cigarettes and blunts so that I could get the small piece of paper housing Leo's phone number so I could shoot him a quick text. I asked the same question that I had asked earlier but that he had failed to answer. I really needed to know what these pills did so that I wouldn't end up killing myself by getting cross faded in the worst way possible. Then again, that didn't sound like a horrible idea at this point. Maybe I could just fuck myself up a little without actually dying by myself when I was home alone. My parents probably wouldn't even care, and I couldn't rely on Lauren anymore to do the same. I would have truly died alone and that was not something I wanted to deal with once I was gone; actually knowing I was all by myself.

That was a little bit extreme but I guess the depressing affect of alcohol was starting to get to me. My phone dinged with a notification which caused me to let out a breath of relief. Leo had finally gotten back to me with what each pill did and how they interacted with other drugs or alcohol. I'm guessing I wasn't as slick as I thought because he knew exactly what I was trying to do in order to fuck myself up as much as possible. Maybe I was giving off my emotions more than I was trying to let on earlier and Leo could see right through me. After his text, I knew I wanted more of what he had given me; the alcohol at least. I typed up a response that had asked what I needed to do in order to obtain more but this time Leo's response was instantaneous. I reread the message over and over in my head but it seemed like I couldn't quite comprehend exactly what it was that I needed to do.

Leo: It's very simple hun, you work for me and I can make sure you get whatever it is that you may need. If you're interested then we can meet up tomorrow so I can let you know what the deal is. Take tonight to think about it

It was so easy to figure out but my brain was starting to slow down as more effects of the alcohol began to take over. It was still just before four in the afternoon but it felt much later than that. I looked around my room after dropping my hand to my side where it was still holding my phone. I had to really think about what I was going to get myself into but did I really care at this point? Not at all. I didn't have anyone to tell me anything different and I didn't have anyone to fight for anymore. Ally was the only one that cared for me but even then, did she really? She would be completely upset and angry with me but at the same time she didn't have to know about what I was doing. If I was to do this, then nobody would have to know. My life was already ruined from what I could tell since everyone at school was bound to know about my biggest secret now all thanks to a certain green eyed traitor.

Y/N: I don't need to think about it, I'm in

I threw my phone over to my bed where it bounced slightly off the pillow before grabbing the small bag from my pocket which contained the several different pills all of different colors. At this point I didn't care which one gave me certain affects, I just grabbed a random pill before popping it in the back of my throat and swallowing it with a bottle of water that was leftover in my room. My heart rate picked up a little bit since I had never done this before and I didn't exactly know what to expect from all of this. I was just hoping that this was going to take away all of the pain I was feeling at the moment. I looked around my room before my eyes suddenly flicked over to my open window which just had to be across from Lauren's. I met her emerald eyes as she was looking at me from her house but sudden anger took over me. Why did she suddenly have to change into someone I hated within the past week?

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