Goddess of a Prime

Chapter XIII

Chardirakii's holoform...

My breath was coming in short, quick pants and my holoform's heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest as Optimus leaned closer.
"Is this what you wanted to explain to me?" I asked, leaning away slightly to so expand the space between our lips.
Optimus nodded,"I figured a cave surrounded by energon and bodies would be hardly appropriate to explain my feelings."
I kept a cool expression, but now my heart was beating a zillion miles per second.
"I'm the goddess of death, Prime," I whispered, frowning,"To love me is..."
"...wrong?" Optimus finished for me,"Why? Is it a sin to pursue the callings of one's spark?"
I was silent for a moment and Optimus leaned away a little more.
"I'm not asking you to return my affections, Chardirakii," he said,"I am only telling you the truth of how you make me feel."
I bit my bottom lip in thought. If this was Joyspark's doing...then I was personally going to scrap him for making me do what I was about to do.
Grabbing Optimus' face in my hands, I pulled him closer and kissed him.
Both of us tensed slightly, then Optimus sighed through his nose and pressed closer to me.
I released his face and ran my hands instead over his chest, feeling the hard muscles beneath the fabric of his suit.
Optimus slid one arm around my waist, his hand resting on my lower back, the other still on the fountain as he pushed closer.
Growling, I pulled away, then softly bit his lower lip.
Optimus bumped his nose against mine and ran his hand up my back, sending warm shivers up my spine.
Then he kissed my cheek and jawline, moving to my neck as he continued to hold me close.
Optimus didn't bite at my neck, only covered my skin with warm kisses.
I tired of this after a while, and lightly grabbed his chin, moving his lips back to mine.
"You return my affections then?" Optimus asked, pulling away to speak.
I pulled him back again and murmered onto his lips,"It is still undecided."
"Then I shall enjoy every moment of tonight and never forget it," Optimus smiled, playing with my hair.
I smiled too, then pulled away.
Optimus pursued me a little, then opened his bright blue eyes to gaze into mine.
The bright full moon cast a pale light over us and the only sound was the distant music of the party and the bubbling fountain.
Optimus caressed my face with his one hand, running his thumb over my lips and down my chin.
"You're so beautiful, Chardirakii," he whispered,"Though I'm sure many mechs have told you this, I truly mean it. You are the one jewel I could never find...the one light in the darkness to shine on my path and show me the way. I love you, Chardirakii."
He leaned forwards to kiss me again, and though I would have much loved to feel his warm lips move over mine again, I slipped my hand between us and gently held him away.
"I...I'm sorry," I whispered, shaking my head.
Optimus looked confused as he held my wrist and pulled my fingers away from his lips,"Does something about me repulse you?"
I shook my head again,"No no. I just...this is all too soon and I'm...tired and...aughhh!"
I buried my face in my hands and groaned.
Optimus pulled my hands away and pressed his fore-head to mine.
"Tell me what's wrong," he said softly, his breath tickling my lips,"I can keep a secret, promise."
A soft sob escaped my throat as I spun to the left, escaping Optimus and went to run.
A gentle, but firm hand grabbed my wrist and I whirled to smack Optimus.
He caught my other wrist and pulled me close to his chest. His blue eyes reflected much pain.
"Don't run, please," he said.
"Optimus, I have nothing to offer you," I pleaded, trying to tug away,"Let me go."
"Chardirakii..." Optimus began but I wrenched my left wrist out of his grasp and punched him in the stomach, hard.
Optimus keeled over and something tore through my heart.
"I'm sorry...but we can never be together," I said, tears stinging my eyes.
Quickly I turned and fled the garden, ducking around and behind a bush before making my holoform disappear and reappear in my vehicle mode.
I reversed and drove out of there as fast as I could.
As soon as I reached the edge of a forest I transformed and sprinted into the darkness.
A cloud covered the moon, making it hard to see even with my biolights.
But I kept running.
Running, running, running, running.
And didn't stop until I reached a large pile of rocks.
I leaned against one to catch my breath.
That was when the tears came.
Now being the bringer of death I didn't usually cry, and I actually never had...until now.
Now I was full-out sobbing, tears sliding down my face-plates like waterfalls.
My spark hurt. It hurt so much.
I was vaguely aware of a white glow in front of me, then Primus' voice asking me what was wrong.
I swiped a servo over my optics and saw my adopted sire standing in front of me, his optics showing sadness and compassion.
He opened his arms and tilted his helm to one side.
"Come to me, my daughter," he said softly.
More tears fell as I complied, throwing myself into Primus' arms and letting out all my frustration, anger, and sorrow out through these foreign tears on his chest-plate.
"There there," Primus soothed, rubbing small circles on my back-plates,"Everything's alright now."
"No it's not!" I cried, clenching my fists,"I don't know what to do!"
Primus let go of me and knelt in front of me as if I were a sparkling.
"Tell me, Chardirakii, how does your spark feel?"
"It hurts!" I sobbed, clutching my chest-plate,"It hurts so much!"
Primus was silent, watching me break down.
"If this is love..." I said, sniffling,"Then I don't want it. It hurts too much. It's too confusing."
"But it was real," Primis said softly, then took my chin in his servos,"Do you wish to remain here and figure your feelings out?"
I shook my helm,"I just want to go home and forget about all of this."
"Bringing you home I can do, but the memory of your love must forever remain," Primus said.
"Why?" I cried,"Why must I suffer this? Surely shattering is better than the pain love brings?"
"You must never forget what true love feels like, Chardirakii," Primus replied,"You may not experience it for a long long time again."
I hugged Primus again, burying my face-plates in his chest-plate,"Please, just...take me home."
Primus nodded and white light surrounded us, carrying us back to the Allspark where I would become immortal again.
Become once more the true Goddess of Death.
But my spark would cease its pain, and it wouldn't for several months.