Hum Aapke Hain Kaun?

1. Prem Nivas Mein Swaagat Hain

'Tera dhyaan kidhar hai, yeh tera hero idhar hai.'

~ Palat, Main Tera Hero

A crowd of teenagers, kids and young adults sit on makeshift benches on either side of a cricket pitch, all attention on the man stood by the wickets, one foot on a chair, bat held to his mouth like a microphone. 'Sabhi darshakon ka Prem Nivas mein swaagat hain!' (Welcome to Prem Nivas!) he announces rather dramatically.

'Oi Laloo, yeh Hum Aapke Hain Koun nahi hain,' (This isn't Hum Aapke Hain Koun,)calls another boy as he walks on to the pitch, throwing his friend a grin as he tosses a ball into the air and catches it again, 'skip the filmi stuff and get to the intro.'

'Yaar, maza khatam kar diya tune!' (You killed my fun mate!) the man who has now been identified as Laloo whines, throwing his friend a dirty look, moving away from his chair and striding towards the wickets all the same.

'Abe dramebaaz, naatak band kar,' (Oi drama queen, cut the drama,) the slightly shorter, paler of the two boys instructs. Laloo pulls a face and sticks his tongue out but doesn't argue any further as he gets into position to bat, only to step back hastily as a white furred dog runs up to the pitch. Both the men step off the pitch as the dog runs down it, jumping up into the seat behind the wickets on the far end and turning around in it a few times before settling down.

'Okay, umpire is ready,' the bright-eyed young man says with a laugh, going over to scratch the dog behind the ears before taking his place on the pitch.

His friend finally takes his place as well, the fielders arranging themselves behind the wickets. 'Ballebaaj taiyar, fielders, satark!' (Batsman is ready, fielders be alert!) Laloo calls, hitting the bat against the turf once. 'Ab aapke saamane are hain voh jinke ghen ke raftaar hava se bhi tej hain!' (And here comes the bowler who bowls faster than the wind!)

A cheer of Prem! goes up from the gathered crowds and the boy waiting to bowl rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything, choosing to ready himself instead. 'Ready?' he calls, getting a nod from his friend. He nods in return and, taking a running start, throws the ball.

All eyes are on the ball as it sails towards the other player, hitting the wickets and knocking them down as Laloo swings the bat, just seconds too late. 'How's that?' Prem asks, turning to the dog sat in the umpire's chair. The dog leans forwards, taking the handle of one of the cards on the little table in front of him between his teeth and lifting it so that everyone can see that it reads Out.

Laloo groans despite the fact that he knew that would be the outcome, putting one gloved hand over his eyes. 'Mein hamesha first ball pe out hota hain,' (I always get out on the first ball) he mutters, removing his hand from his face and pulling the gloves off, holding them in one hand and the bat in the other as Prem runs up the field towards him.

'Let me guess, just giving me a chance, right?' Prem questions teasingly.

Laloo rolls his eyes and holds out the bat to his friend. 'Chalo, aapke batting,' (Come on, your turn to bat) he tells him, not bothering to raise to the bait.

'Nahi, ab mere batting hain,' (No, it's my turn now) comes a female voice as a girl walks onto the pitch.

'Rita, you do remember what happened the last time you tried to play right?' Prem asks, raising an eyebrow and chuckling slightly, referring to how she'd broken her leg the last time she attempted to bat.

'Haan, lekin iss baar tum mujhe sikhaoge,' (yes, but this time you'll teach me) she says, taking the bat from Laloo and preparing to bat.

'Main cricket sikhaoonga?' (I'll teach you cricket?) Prem asks incredulously, 'Go field.'