Wherever You Are

Chapter 3

"Jaxon stop freaking out and give me my damn phone!" Nix said angrily. I was barely listening. I felt so lost. I know for a fact I never told Nix about Noah.

No matter how bad things got... why the hell does he even know Noah's Mirror page? I don't even know it!

Pissed I stand to confront him, getting in his face. "How the hell do you know Noah?" I asked Nix, angrily poking a finger roughly at his chest.

"Why does it matter? Give me my damn phone back, now!" He shouts at me. Reaching a hand out he shoves me against the walk, beside the studio door.

At that I lose it. Throwing down Nix's phone, the audible sound of it breaking can be heard.
Nix wears an expression of both shock and anger.

I throw a punch, watching as my fist connects with the side of his face.

A burning sensation.

A living inferno of, what I knew to be, unwarranted hatred.

A distant connection to the nerves in my hand let me know I may have just broken my hand against Nix's face.

Nix was lying on the floor looking up at me with eyes that screamed murderous intent.

The emptiness I was feeling, in not just this moment, was enough for me to let him.

Hell. I wanted him to hit me. To really hurt me.

I wanted to feel any other pain the what I am feeling.

Instead of hitting me like I thought he would, his expression softens as he stands, getting off of the ground and lifting a hand to my face.

Wiping away tears I had no idea I had shed. Nix pulls me into his arms holding me tight to his body as my shoulders heave, the heavy weight that lies there the kind... that never lightens, yet cam always grow heavier than ever before.

"Okay first,you're okay. Second, what the hell mate?" Nix asks me with a questioning gaze, I want to ignore. I won't though, he deserves an answer if not a completly honest one.

Then again I think I'll be better off simply lying.

With one final squeeze he let's go, slowly stepping away from me, as my sobs began to quiet before stopping altogether.

"Nothing. I'm sorry for freaking out like that." Is all I can manage to say as I widen the gap between us and start into the studio.

Hurrying after me, just as I head towards the recording booth, Nix grabs me.

"Oh hell no. You aren't allowed to say nothings wrong! Especially not today, not when it's so obvious things aren't okay, they never are." Nix says as he tugs on my arm pulling me away from the booth.

Turning completly towards him with a murderous glare, I snatch my arm away. Lips pulled back and over my teeth in an ugly snarl. "What would you know?"

The words meant to sound... menacing, to be filled with vehemence. What came out was the empty, bleak, darkness that came - comes... each year.

"What could you know? I mean... is there really any definite, fool proof way for someone to know exactly what's going on inside my head? For them to tell me they know something is wrong?" I say jabbing my index finger repeatedly at my temple.

I drum my finger to the aggravated pulsation crashing throughout my body.

The torrent of tears, blinding me.

The storm of clouds, filled to the brim with poisoned condensation, choking me.

The bones of my body rigid to the point of exhaustion.

Frozen and taut from the welded bits of myself that aren't me.

Intrusions.

I'm my own worse enemy.

Glaring I shake my head slowly at Nix.

"You don't know what's wrong... hell, I'm not even sure what's wrong," I say brokenly.

A gasping sob breaking away from the mass of pain and forcing its way out.

Nix looking shaken, taking a step forward, and then another, not stopping until he is standing in front of me.

"For once, in all the time I've known you...just tell me what's wrong," He begs me.

My body shaking I turn away from him again and head into the booth.

"Lets make some fucking music."

Nix just sighs heavily.

"Sure thing, boss man," He replies sarcastically.

I take a deep breath, before filling the booth with a flood of emotions I no longer wanna bottle up.

As we finish up, in this one go, I step from the booth drained.

"I'm thinking of going home," I say suddenly.

Nix turns to me looking surprised.

"Home? Like the place you were born and raised, home?" He asks incredulously.

"Yeah, its been a while since I've seen...my mom, or anyone else for that matter," I say with a nonchalant shrug of my shoulder.

Nix continues to stare at me with his mouth hanging open.

I get why though.

I don't mention much where I'm from, much less talk about going back.

I look to him and smile.

"I don't know why...but I think its about time I head back."

Nix looked confused on so many levels at that moment.

Why not help him out a bit? "Oh, and that guy you were talking to? He's my ex and the love of my life."

His jaw dropped even further.

"What?" He asked softly, I'm assuming now in complete shock.

"Im gay, dipshit, hella gay." I say in the most direct way possible.

Then I remember the look on his face as he was texting Noah and feel the need to put him on his place and quick.

Can't have him getting any ideas.

"Oh, and about Noah? He's mine, or atleast he will be, and soon."

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A/n

I hope you guys enjoy this update and don't hate me for it being so short.

I'm quite literally on punishment and went all kinds of ninja to update this for yall.

Hope you enjoyed and if so leave leave a comment and a vote!😄