love notes ; zach dempsey [[SLOW UPDATES]]

twelve;

"Alex." Eliah was quiet for a moment. She hadn't actually known what to say when she called Alex, just that she needed to hear his voice. "Alex. How are you?"

"Don't pretend you called me to catch up Eliah. What do you want?"

Eliah's stomach twisted into a knot. She knew things weren't great between her ad Alex when they stopped talking, but that didn't mean she didn't care about him. She wanted to ask him how he was doing, if he was falling apart like she was, if he wasn't feeling anything at all. She wanted to ask him to meet her somewhere, so they could catch up, but Eliah felt that he wouldn't be up for it.

"I want to ask you how you're doing. I know you've gotten the tapes already."

"How far have you gotten? Eliah, those tapes are sick." The hostility left Alex's voice, and he became the old friend Eliah remembered. She agreed with him, these tapes were a horrible thing. If they stopped listening, though, they would face the repercussions of whatever was held on them.

"I just finished your tape. The things she said, Alex, they aren't fair. You made a stupid list. It was dumb, something straight out of a high school drama, but it wasn't bad enough to cause-" Eliah paused. She didn't want to finish the sentence. "What Bryce did at Blue Spot Liquor, that's on Bryce, not you."

"It's the snowball effect, Eliah. My list made him think it was okay. That's what Hannah said on the tapes."

"Bryce is a piece of shit. He would have done it whether you had made the list or not. That's who Bryce is." It was quiet on the other end of the line. 

"I've got to go, but it was good talking to you again." Alex said, and he hung up before Eliah had the chance to reply.

Eliah leaned her head back against the seat, taking a moment to breathe and gather her thoughts. She felt bad about everything. She really did. Everything that Hannah suffered through was horrible and it wasn't deserved, but these tapes were wrong. Eliah fully believed that to be true. These tapes should not have made their grand debut, they should not be in the heart and mind of all the people who got the tapes before her. Hannah was struggling, but no one knew. How could anyone help her if no one knew she was drowning. 

Eliah grabbed the walk-man, flipped the tape and was ready to listen again. Her heart was heavy, and her eyes filled with tears before she ever hit play. This was wrong.

Shh! Sometimes there's no one around to tell you to be quiet. Sometimes you need to be quiet when you're all alone. Like me, right now. Shh! For example, you'd better be quiet—extremely quiet—if you're going to be a Peeping Tom. Because what if they heard? What if she- what if I- found out? Guess what, Tyler Down? I found out. I feel sorry for you, Tyler. Everyone else on these tapes, so far, must feel a little relieved. They came off as liars or jerks or insecure people lashing out at others. But your story, Tyler, it's kind of creepy. I feel a little creepy telling it, too. I'm trying to understand the excitement of staring through someone's bed- room window. Watching someone who doesn't know they're being watched. Trying to catch her in the act of— What were you trying to catch me in the act of, Tyler? And were you disappointed? Or pleasantly surprised? Okay, a show of hands, please. Who knows where I'm standing right now? If you said, "Outside Tyler's window," you're right. And that's A-4 on your maps. There's a meeting of the yearbook staff tonight. So I know Tyler won't be home until after it gets all nice and dark. Which, as an amateur Peeping Tom, I appreciate very much. So thank you, Tyler. Thanks for making this so easy. Let's take a peek inside before you get home, shall we? You've got quite a collection of camera equipment here, Tyler. A lens for every occasion. I know, I know. You're the student-life photographer for the yearbook. But is that the way you use this stuff? Candid shots of the student body? Ah, yes. Candid shots of the student body. I took the initiative to look up "candid" in the dictionary. Here's the definition, memorized for your pleasure: Relating to photography of subjects acting naturally or spontaneously without being posed. So tell me, Tyler, those nights you stood outside my window, was I spontaneous enough for you? Did you catch me in all my natural, un-posed— Wait. Did you hear that? It's you, Tyler. And yes, this is exciting. I can definitely see the thrill. Okay listeners, ready? As we wait, I'm going to go back and tell everyone how this all began. And if I'm wrong with the timeline, Tyler, find the other people on these tapes and let them know you started peeping long before I caught you. You'll do that, right? All of you? You'll fill in the gaps? Because every story I'm telling leaves so many unanswered questions.

Eliah stopped the tape again and wiped her eyes. She didn't know if she could handle all of this.

******

A/N

Hey you beautiful people,

I have a couple of things I'd like to say. First of all, thank you all for being alive. For getting through everyday no matter how hard you're struggling. You're so strong and so brave and you're doing a great job. Second of all, if there's anyone who's starting to doubt that someone loves them, please know that I love you and I'm so glad you're here. Third, thank you all so much for reading this story. I know updates have been slow and you are all probably so angry with me for my horrible update schedule. I said on my last update that I had been in a bad place, and I was talking about my mental health struggle. My mental health had been declining, and I couldn't bring myself to do much of anything, let alone update. That's why I want you all to know how much you are loved, even if it's just by me. 

I love you all so much, thank you for being alive and being you, and please never stop fighting. You are stronger than you ever thought possible.

-Kaitlyn