Forget Her Not

4 | good enough

Neither Liam nor I know what to say.

Miss Laney begins to slap down overview sheets of the task onto our desks. She is talking as she does so as well. Going over the podcast that we are supposed to be starting. Telling us what she expects. A typed-up, thousand-word long script. Correct formatting. Open communication and teamwork.

I manage to catch the gist of it, even with my ears full of cotton. The words of the assessment sheet on my desk swim in front of me, all blurry, expect for PARTNER PROJECT, which is highlighted in big, bold letters at the very top.

Then Miss Laney tells us that she is going to get on with the rest of this lesson, and just opens up her presentation slides as though she didn't just shoot me in the foot or something. I spend the entire period completely stiff in my seat.

Liam does not even cast me a backwards glance today when class ends. This makes sense. He wants nothing to do with me. It would probably be crueller to actually not ignore me, but Liam never was the type of person who paid attention to people he didn't like. There is some pathetic part of me that just absolutely hates this. That still craves his attention. That has run so dry of it that it's just whining. Needy.

I wrap my arms around myself. I try not to stare too hard when Liam grabs Kyle by the shoulder, and leaves the classroom.

I am restless during the day. A little fidgety with my hands, but a little zoned out staring into space too. A partner project with Liam? More interaction with him? I am really not sure how I'm going to survive this, how much more I can take, because this hurts and I miss him and it hurts even more so because he doesn't miss me and he is completely just okay, while I am out here drowning in what I should not feel.

The truth is, he is still everything to me, and I had always been nothing to him.

So I fret over it during the day, and flush in embarrassment when I worry about how pathetic Liam must think I am. Just a few days ago, I spent so long watching him play with his pen, that he had to ask me, rather coldly too, if there was a problem. I doodle on the side of my notebook during chemistry, and I take notes off the whiteboard. Kenzie and Brenda giggle on the bench in front of me for almost the entire duration. When the boy next to them tells them to quieten down, Brenda flashes him a dirty look and Kenzie apologises bashfully, only to go back to giggling the next minute when Brenda whispers something in her ear.

Now, here is something that I never really understood. How half of Liam's friends are so nice, while the other half or so are just the devil spawn of Satan disguised as angels.

Five minutes until the bell, our teacher runs out of presentation slides and sits back down on her desk, under the guise of marking some worksheets. The room breaks out into chatter. This is when Brenda turns to me.

"Hey Ara," Brenda says.

I look up from my notebook.

"We missed a few slides. Pass me your notes real quick."

Brenda smiles at me, but it is a smile that is completely edged with condescension. I hesitate, but then Kenzie turns around too, with hopeful eyes. I must hesitate for a moment too much though, because Brenda snickers and I know that she is about to say something mean.

"What? Did you write something embarrassing in them? Little hearts with 'Liam and Garden forever', all around the sides?"

Kenzie gasps. "Brenda, that was mean. Apologise."

Brenda scoffs before flicking her hair over her shoulder.

"It's not my fault if Annabelle here is still pining." she says.