Forget Her Not

8 | you too

I am sick when Friday rolls by.

It isn't anything life threatening. Just a bit of a stuffy nose. The slightest hint of a fever. I had stayed up last night too, trying my absolute hardest to bang out the five hundred words half of my podcast script in the few hours I had left, after coming back home from work at the coffee shop. I make sure to bundle myself up extra warm this morning before I step out.

Sheila nags at me to keep my health in check at school. I get clingy when I am sick. Extra needy. I latch onto Sheila whenever I can, even when she complains about how this will get her sick too. When Delilah stops to talk to me at my locker about her party the next weekend, I play with her jacket cuffs and then move on to her fingers before she snickers at how touchy I am being, and tries to call Liam over.

It isn't anything life threatening. It isn't anything life threatening, so someone please tell me why my brain has just stopped functioning.

School has ended, and I am at the local library putting together our podcast script right now with Liam. It is quiet and warm here in a soft kind of way, like the feel of a cat's fur after it has been bathing in sun. There are crinkles in this safe space when someone turns a page a few tables away from us. There is muted typing somewhere to the left. A scanner beeps somewhere at the front desk.

Liam has been scrolling through our now edited script, pointing out at certain parts and saying things lowly but honestly, I had tuned out a while ago. Not on purpose. Without any conscious thought, but my head is foggy with persistent throb. Liam is stable and present next to me, his voice familiar and safe and I miss and I want.

My brain has not just stopped functioning. It must have completely just dropped right out of my skull.

For a moment, blank. Then in the next, my head has found its way over onto Liam's shoulder.

I do not even realise instantly. My eyelids have fallen shut, my lips parted slightly to help with my stuffy nose, and I am only conscious of how nice this feels. Leaning against someone. Sharing a comfortable warmth from them. Pressing my face against a neck that has suddenly stiffened and- oh.

"Oh."

I jump back.

My thoughts are all blurry around the edges. My tongue is apparently made of cotton. My face feels hotter than it should.

Liam is not saying anything, and I have no idea what the look that he is giving me means. He does not ask what I think I am doing, or get mean with his words like he does when he is in a situation that he doesn't like. He says nothing, and somehow this is worse.

"I'm sorry." I swallow dryly. "I didn't mean to- I don't know what I was, I wasn't thinking. Sorry."

Liam looks back to the screen of his laptop. "It's fine. Go home."

My heart splutters with uncertainty.

"Let's finish this first." I say.

"Arden, you look half dead." Liam snaps. He closes the lid to his sleek MacBook a little heavily and tucks it away into his bag. "Learn to take care of yourself. We'll work on this later."

The bubble of protest dies down in my throat. Liam gets up onto his feet and waits. I stand up and breathe a little deeper when the ground feels unsteady for a moment.

His gaze sweeps behind to our table. Finds its way to my face. Darts away quickly.

We walk out together in silence. The doors slide open, and the pittering sound of rain outside magnifies immediately. Even though I had dressed for this weather, the chill here is a stark contrast to the mellow temperature of the library.

"How are you getting home?" Liam asks flatly. He gives me a long surveying look, like he is checking my face for something.

"I'll just walk." I answer. "I don't live far."

His mouth purses a little.

"You have an umbrella?"

"Yeah." I say, as I fish it out of my bag.

I allow myself to feel embarrassed for one moment. My umbrella opens up to a rather unflattering shade of orange, adorned with little uneven ducks printed onto its edges.

Liam makes no move to do the same. He nods, craning his neck to turn to look at one of the library displays, as though he suddenly finds the transition journey of books into movies fascinating.

"Is your bus stop this way?" I prompt.

Liam allows me a glance. "Yeah."

I extend my arm up, lifting the umbrella over my head. The rain continues to patter on behind us.

"I'll walk you." I suggest. "I'm going this way too."

My brain has not only dropped right out of my skull. It must have gotten run over in the process by a stampede of heavy hoofed goats too. So mushed up and dismantled that there is absolutely no hope of putting it back together and back in.

Liam startles slightly and his eyebrows lift. He opens his mouth, tongue briefly pressing to his upper lip as though to taste the words before saying-

"Okay."

The air feels tentative while we walk. Liam makes no move to speak, and neither do I. My umbrella is not big enough to cover up both of us entirely, and I can feel my right shoulder gradually getting soaked, but the rain is not torrential. We walk side by side. Our footsteps not fully lining up in time with each other. Sharing an umbrella in the rain.

I try to not read too much into this. I try, but when Liam grumbles out something and reaches out to hold the umbrella instead, hoisting it higher up so that his head does not occasionally bump against the inner framing at the top, our fingers touch. Damp and clumsy. Brief. My heart shudders.

Liam also makes no move to tell me when I am about to walk into an almost ankle-deep puddle, even though he stops right in front of it and steps to the side. My drenched left shoe reminds my feelings to shut up.

There is a lone girl sitting on the bench at the bus stop when we get there. She has white and gold headphones plugged in. She only looks up for a moment at us before she makes a face, and turns back to her phone.

I lower my umbrella down. The rain continues to patter on the cover above.

"Thank you." Liam says. "Rest up, feel better soon."

He smiles at me carefully. I try to smile back.

"You too." I reply.

He raises an eyebrow at this, mouth twisting a little in amusement. I freeze up and my chest tightens in a funny way. My tongue dissolves back into cotton.

"Oh, I meant- oh. Bye, Liam."

My words trip over each other, much like how I almost do when I turn around to walk away. I am fighting with my umbrella to open it up again, when I hear Liam say it back.

"Bye, Arden."

When I go home feeling warmer than I should, I know whose fault it is. Mostly my worsening fever. But a little bit because of Liam too.

☾☆♔

hii did you guys miss me hehe sorry I've been a bit busy with uni but I'll try to update again this week! thanku to @imthesun_ for the pretty pretty cover that she made wallah isn't it gorgeous <33