Ready Set Breathe (A Steve Rogers Destruction Story)

33 Ex

“Can I talk to you when we get back?” Sharon asked as Steve began to back away from the gravesite towards where Bucky was standing in the distance, leaning against Natasha’s car with his hands in his pockets. Steve raised his hand and Bucky looked up and waved back. Steve turned to Sharon.

“Of course,” he said. “You can talk to me whenever.” Sharon nodded.

“Okay,” she said, then stepped closer to him, closing the distance, and she reached up and cupped his face in her palm, using her thumb to wipe away the wetness on his cheeks. He looked into her face and didn’t refuse her, blankly letting her touch him. She cocked her head as she studied his face and smiled at him sadly. “Come now,” she said. “It’s going to be okay.”

When Sharon took her hand back and turned back to her family, Steve turned around and wiped the rest of the tears off his face and began to walk back towards the car. Bucky walked forward to meet him and threw an arm around his shoulder, in a sauntering way that was nearly reminiscent of himself from years ago, and Steve leaned into him and let himself be led to the car, remembering different times and different funerals and wondering just how many he’d have to attend before his own. He didn’t think he could bare to see many more.

“You alright?” Bucky asked before they both sat down in the backseat, standing there with the doors open. Steve leaned on the door and nodded slowly.

“It’s going to be okay,” he said after a while and he could hear Sharon’s voice in his own. Bucky studied his face and nodded.

“Good to hear,” he said as he disappeared into the car and Steve followed him quietly.

Back at the apartment, Steve told Bucky he’d be okay for a while by himself and that Sharon had wanted to say something to him, so Bucky and Natasha left and Steve waited in his apartment for Sharon to return.

When she did, Steve invited her in and asked her to sit and she did and she had taken the veil away from her face and for the first time, Steve could really see how red it was and he looked away out of respect.

“I wanted to let you know that I understand,” Sharon said quietly amid the silence and Steve looked up at her again.

“What,” he said.

“About Peggy,” Sharon said, shifting and looking Steve in the eyes. She shrugged. “Sort of.” Steve stared.

“It’s different, Sharon,” Steve said and frowned deeply, turning his head and rubbing his eyes. “It’s not the same.” You didn’t lose the kind of relationship I lost. You don’t understand.

“Yes, I know,” Sharon replied, as though she’d heard his thoughts. “And I’m,” Sharon swallowed. “Mourning her in my own way.” She looked up at Steve and looked into his face. “But I mean about losing someone close like that. Someone romantic.” Steve searched Sharon’s face, unsure of where the conversation was going, unsure of how to brace himself.

“What do you mean?” He asked and Sharon leaned forward in her seat and sighed.

“I dated a SHIELD guy once,” Sharon admitted and her smile was hollow. “He was wonderful, I’d never been in love like I was in love with him. He was sort of like you. I guess altruism is just my type, I dunno, but he was a really great guy.” Steve listened intently, watching emotions he’d never seen before in Sharon’s eyes, recognizing her sadness there, and her nostalgia.

“What happened?” Steve asked in a voice mostly a whisper. Sharon leaned forward and tossed her hands up, smiling sadly.

“Went on a mission and never came back,” she said and her voice shook. Steve felt his mouth go dry as he listened to her, hanging on her words. “It was an out of the country thing, somewhere in Europe about five years ago. He was shot in the head. They thought it was a sniper, but he was dead as soon as the bullet entered his brain and they never found the attackers, never found justice, and all I had left was a body. So we buried him.” Steve nodded quietly as he listened and then looked down and swallowed when she finished.

“I’m so sorry, Sharon,” he said to her. She let out a breath.

“Thank you,” she said. “I’m sorry, too.” There was a pause as they both considered this. Steve didn’t quite know what else to say to Sharon. It was heartbreaking, and comparable, and he pitied her and respected her for trying again. After all, you can’t un-love someone.

You can’t un-love, but maybe you can love again. Maybe it’s different.

“You know, I was thinking and maybe splitting up was for the best,” Sharon continued through the quiet.

“Yeah?” Steve asked.

“We both need time, I think,” Sharon said. “And you, Steve, you cast a long shadow.” Steve didn’t have time to be properly confused by her statement, because she continued, shifting again in her seat, scooting herself closer to Steve until their knees almost touched. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, the break up was a good thing and I’m sorry if I was harsh with you, I am. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings-”

“And I didn’t want to hurt yours,” Steve added. Sharon smiled.

“Thank you,” she said kindly. “And, oh, Steve, it’s just complicated. But do you think, after some time, you would maybe consider trying again? With us?” Sharon looked into his face with some hope there and Steve felt things going just a little too fast. He hesitated and looked down.

“I don’t know, Sharon,” he said.

“I’m not asking you to decide right now, just to think about it,” Sharon said. Steve was silent and Sharon clasped her hands together and looked down. “I really like you,” she admitted. Steve looked at her and was unsure how to respond.

He was at first inclined to feel flattered, but as Sharon’s story of her deceased SHIELD boyfriend who was ‘so much like Steve’ began to solidify in his mind, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was really him Sharon liked. He felt further conflicted.

“That’s all I wanted to say,” Sharon said and looked to him. “Do you want me to leave?” Steve looked over at her, remembered her empty apartment and the way she said she was unafraid of loneliness out loud, but her eyes said something different, and he wanted to spare her that hell.

“No, you should stay,” Steve said. “We’ll order dinner, okay?” Sharon looked at him and a wide smile grew on her face, and then she looked away and shook her head.

“Steve Rogers, are you comforting me now?” She said and Steve shrugged.

“Is that okay?” He asked and Sharon couldn’t seem to stop smiling.

“No, that’s wonderful,” she said. “I’m just always stunned with how absolutely perfect you are.” She laughed. “And they said Prince Charming was just a fairytale.”