Love Hurts

Chapter 2

"Doctor?" Yaz calls out softly.

The doctor stopped what she was doing at the console, laying her hands flat and leaning forwards. Taking a moment before plastering a fake smile on her face and turning around.

"Yaz" she said cheerily "not tired?"

"Doctor" Yaz said again walking towards her and she watched as the doctor's smile falls from her face and she looks down to the floor.

"We need to talk" Yaz continues.

"Do we?" the doctor looks back up at her, their eyes meeting.

"Doctor you can't pretend nothing's happening"

"What? What's happening?" the doctor feigns ignorance.

"Stop it. Stop playing games. Even you can't talk your way out of that kiss" Yaz said with slight irritation in her voice.

The doctor takes a step forward and places her hand on Yaz's arm "I'm not playing games Yaz" she says softly, their eyes meeting.

"Then what is this?" Yaz frowns gesturing between the two of them.

The doctor takes another step closer allowing herself to be consumed by her eyes, she leans in slowly. They are so close she can feel Yaz's hot breath on her lips. But she steps back, regaining her self-control. She looks back at Yaz's face and is met with both hurt and confusion.

"Yaz..." she starts but isn't sure how to finish "we can't do this" she steps back again.

"Why?" Yaz's voice cracks slightly.

"I'm no good for you Yaz" the doctor looks back down at the floor not wanting to watch the hurt in Yaz's eyes "You deserve so much better. I shouldn't have led you on, I'm sorry."

"Who decides what I deserve" Yaz said slightly angered as she steps towards the doctor "You? Why do you get to decide doctor?"

"You just need to trust me on this one Yaz" the doctor laughs flatly and turns back to the console, fiddling with the controls. She sighs letting her head hang, she wanted this so much, maybe even more than Yaz. But she couldn't let it happen, it would cause them both too much heart ache in the end. She already puts Yaz and the others in danger every time they step out of the Tardis, letting Yaz get closer to her would only make it more dangerous. Her mind wonders to Rose and she swipes away the tear that she couldn't stop falling, then she feels warm hands on her arms. She turns.

"Doctor I get it, it's scary, trust me I know that. But we have to try" Yaz strokes the doctor's arm trying to reassure her.

The doctor realised Yaz was never going to give up, she had let it get too far, she had let her fall in love, and she hated herself for it. There was only one thing left she could think of doing and it was not going to be easy. She stepped away from Yaz, shaking her hands off her arms, her face turning cold and emotionless.

"Yaz, you need to get over me. What you think there is between us is nothing."

"So that kiss was nothing was it?" Yaz half shouts.

"Exactly" the doctor spat back keeping her face from showing her true emotions "it was a mistake, so much happened that day. I don't know why I kissed you, but I wish I didn't." The doctor could see the hurt flash across Yaz's face.

"I don't believe you, you're just trying to push me away" Yaz tries to reach out to the doctor again but she bats her hand away.

"Really?" the doctor yells, she grabs Yaz's wrist and pulls her over to where the monitor is on the console and fiddles with the controls. Pictures of other women start appearing on the screen, most of them young around Yaz's age. The doctor starts spouting out names as the pictures flash across the screen.

"Amy, Clara, Martha, Sarah-Jane... Rose" she says the last name softly then turns and switches the screen off.

"Believe me now! You are just one in a long line Yaz, don't waste your life following me waiting for something to happen because it never will." She takes a deep breath "I don't love you Yaz!" the doctor shouts trying to hide the pain and sadness with anger. This seems to work, Yaz takes a step back and the doctor can see the tears forming in her eyes. She wants nothing more than to reach out and cradle her in her arms, take away the pain that she had just caused, but this was the only way.

Yaz stares at her in shock as if waiting for the doctor to take it all back, say she didn't mean it, but she doesn't. The doctor turns back to the console, pretending to fiddle with something, making sure Yaz doesn't see her own tears. She hears the light footsteps disappearing out the room and lets out a breath, letting her tears fall, trying to remind herself that she had to do that, it was the only way to keep her safe.