Love Hurts

Chapter 7

Yaz froze for a second as Ryan leant in to kiss her. The date had gone well, they had fun it was just like how it normally was when they hung out. But then Ryan kissed her, and it all changed. It all made sense. It didn't feel right, not like how it felt when the doctor kissed her, it felt weird and she realised how wrong she was.

She pulled away from Ryan, taking a step back.

"Sorry" she stammered.

"What's wrong?" Ryan asked concerned "I thought you had a good time"

"I did, its just this" she moved her hands in the space between them "It's not what I thought"

Ryan looked at her confused.

Yaz sighed "Sorry Ryan, I feel so bad, but I don't think anything can happen between us. I think I was getting friendship muddled up with romance. I love hanging out with you, I love chatting with you, but kissing you" she took a breath "don't take this the wrong way but it just felt wrong" Yaz was looking at the floor unable to look Ryan in the face.

She felt his hand on her shoulder and she looked up.

"It's ok Yaz, I get it" he said softly.

"No, it's not, I led you on and messed with your feelings and I know how much that hurts" she looked back at the floor again.

"Yaz" he took her hands making her look up "It was just a date and to be honest it felt the same as when we hang out here, maybe we're just better off as friends" he chuckled.

"I'm sorry Ryan, I was so confused with everything, all my feelings and the doctor and all sorts, it just messed my head up a bit" she babbled nervously.

"Yaz seriously its... Wait, what's the doctor got to do with it" Ryan questioned her, frowning slightly.

Yaz looked at him, there were so many emotions rushing through her head, she was back to square one again, in love with a woman who doesn't love her back. She couldn't hold it in any longer and she spilled everything to Ryan, talking a mile a minute about everything that had gone on between her and the doctor.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything before, I just didn't know where to start" Yaz said guiltily.

"Its fine, I understand. You can't help who you fall for can you" he smiled as she looked up at him "can we just go back to our late-night chats about random crap though and next time please talk to me about this stuff, I might be able to help. Like with the doctor, do you want to know my opinion?"

Yaz nodded.

"I think it sounds like she was pushing you away, putting her defences up. She clearly loves you by sound of it, if your persistent then I think you could break down those walls."

"You didn't hear her Ryan, she was really mean, surely if you really love someone you wouldn't hurt them like that."

"You might, if you're really scared and love someone that much."

Yaz thought about it for a second "You really think so?"

"Yeah, don't let her go if you think it's worth it" he smiled at her then stifled a yawn "do you mind if I head off to bed, I'm knackered"

Yaz shook her head "no its fine. Goodnight and thanks for this" she leaned in and hugged him "it's really helped."

Yaz walked towards the main console, taking a moment to think everything through, absentmindedly stroking the cool metal, she must have picked up some of the doctor's habits. She thought about it for a minute then made her mind up. She rushed off down the corridors and reached the one the held their bedrooms, she walked straight past her own and stopped outside the doctors, hesitating for a moment before opening it and stepping in.

She shut the door behind her scanning the room before she saw the doctor sat on the floor, her back against the bed, knees tucked up with her head buried in them.

"Doctor?" she called out.

The doctor jumped up suddenly startled.

"Yaz!" she quickly wiped away the tears.

Yaz walked towards her and noticed her red puffy eyes and tear stained face, she frowned at her.

"You've been crying" more of a statement than a question. The doctor took a step back, hoping the shadows would hide her face.

"No, I'm fine. What're you doing here? What happened to your date?"

Yaz took a step closer to the doctor "it was good, we had a good time, it just..." she trailed off trying to figure out how to phrase it but was cut off by the doctor before she had chance.

"Yeah I kind of accidently saw you two kissing" she said looking down at the ground.

"Doctor-" Yaz started but got cut off again.

"-no Yaz its fine, you two seem great together, he makes you happy-"

"No, doctor, listen!" Yaz shouted trying to get the doctor to stop rambling. She took another step forward making the gap between them even smaller.

"He kissed me, and I let it happen for like a second and then I stopped it" she explained. The doctor was frowning so Yaz continued "I stopped it because I didn't want to be kissing Ryan" she paused taking in a breath "I wanted to be kissing you."

The doctors frown dropped from her face, and a small smile started to form instead.

"and I know what you said before, about us, but I just needed you to know, I'm not giving up and if that means that I'm going to be alone than I guess I'm going to be... why are you smiling like that?" the doctors smile had slowly turned into a massive grin.

"Doctor?" Yaz waited for an answer but instead was met with the doctor's lips on hers. She was frozen for a moment and then realised what was happening and started kissing back. It started off soft but got messy and urgent, the doctor walked forwards until Yaz's back hit the wall, pushing her against it as she kissed her passionately.

They broke apart reluctantly to catch their breath, the doctor leaned her forehead on Yaz's.

"I've wanted to do that for so long" the doctor breathed out.

"What do you mean, you've already kissed me once before" Yaz chuckled.

"Not properly. This time I really mean it" she pulled her head back and took Yaz's hand "I was horrible to you Yaz and I'm so sorry. I was scared of hurting you and thought that it would keep you safe, but I only ended up hurting you more. I didn't mean it, any of it. I love you so much Yaz, I can't bear thinking of a life without you in it. I'm so sorry, I messed this up."

Yaz leaned forwards leaving a soft kiss on her lips "you didn't mess it up, granted you could have gone about it a better way" she chuckled "but you didn't mess it up, we're here, together. That's all that matters now, everything else is in the past" she leaned in to kiss her again before pulling back slightly "and just in case it wasn't obvious, I love you too."