𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐀𝐓 (𝘮𝘣/𝘴)

⍟ ˢᵀᴼᴿᵞ ˢᵀᴬᴿᵀᴱᴿ ᴾᵀ1

he didn't ever think this day would come. the thought of doing what he already did still made him sick to his stomach. he made a promise to himself that he would never do this. so much for promises to yourself. at least the only person disappointed is you. believe me, the brunette was disappointed greatly. not because of the outcome, but because of what the outcome showed.

he thought he was just overthinking it. he thought he was just being paranoid. they wouldn't actually show. you're making yourself paranoid, he would think. he missed it. he missed it being like this. he thought it would be worth it. he thought that there wasn't anything to worry about. he thought if he did this, then maybe he would start to feel like his normal self without the harsh reminder. how wrong he was about that.

bucky barnes had cut his hair short.

big deal right? everyone gets hair cuts. not bucky. not anymore. he first thought about cutting it short the first year away from hydra, but upon further inspection, he found something. he found something that brought instant self-consciousness and a reminder that made his stomach knot painfully.

the brunette was constantly wiped by hydra so he didn't remember his past. the wiping process included being strapped down for several hours as your face was almost enclosed in metal plates. each plate had pongs that would stick and clamp onto your temples, the thinnest part of the skull. he's repeatedly shocked and electrocuted in this area until he's basically brain fried.

over time, the brunette started to develop electrical scars in that area. they got bigger and darker over time, webbing out towards the back of his head more than the front. regardless of the purplish-red color of the scars, they were hardly noticeable because of his long hair. that's why he never knew about them until the first time he thought about cutting his hair.

the thought of cutting his hair and letting them show absolutely terrified him. he didn't want them to show not because of the shame, but because he didn't want to see the reminder. maybe shame shared part of the blame, but seeing those webbings brought back more memories than he could swallow.

he didn't know what he was thinking. he feels like an idiot. every time he sees his reflection, those images keep rushing back to him. he missed the short hair, but nothing can ever give him a reason to see those scars. he just wanted to look... different. he wanted to clean up a little bit. especially since he was meeting you later on that week.

you hadn't seen him all that week though, which slightly worried you. you knew you would see him tonight though so you let those worry's slip away to the back of your mind. little did you know that he had himself cooped up in his bedroom, sat in the middle of the bed with the lights off. it was the only way his clouded mind knew of to not see the scars.

so when he didn't show up at your place at the time you had discussed, those worries began to build back up. you waited for a long time, but the brunette still didn't show up. by now you had a knot in your stomach, thinking about all the things that could be wrong. you had to go find him. you thought logically enough to check his apartment first.

you knocked several times, waiting patiently at the door for him to answer – but he never did. something was telling you not to leave. something was telling you that he was in there and there was something very wrong. you searched around the floor and under the mat, but didn't find a spare key. bucky was better than that though. he would be start about it.

after what felt like hours of searching, you finally found the key stuffed behind the apartment number plate on the wall. the cleverness of the spot made you chuckle to yourself, but you soon pushed it aside and unlocked the door. the room felt eerie and unbearably quiet. all the lights were shut off, the only light coming from the opened window.  everything looked like it had been touched in a while – which was true.

"bucky!" you called out, worry filling you to your throat as you walked along the wall. "it's me buck!"

the sudden voice calling for him made the man flinch slightly. he silently cursed himself for not locking the bedroom door. he was too numb to move as he left his face buried in his hands, his fingertips ghosting over the scars. he knew you would eventually find him as the embarrassment started to settle in at the thought of you seeing him this way.

he looked like such a mess. his eyes were glazed over with dark purple bags under to compliment the dull blue. his now short hair was disheveled as it laid flat and matted against his forehead. his clothes were wrinkled as he had yet to change them from what he wore to get his hair cut. his hands shook slightly as they hid the majority of his face from view.

he flinched slightly upon hearing the door click open, squeaking open slowly. some light poured into the pitch black which made him squint his eyes from the small brightness. his jaw clenched when you spoke up again, your voice saying his name once again. he swore it echoed in his ears as he ever so slowly looked up from his hands, a dead look in his eyes as he came face to face with you.

~

bucky barnes had gotten his hair cut. the only dilemma being that now he could see the scars he received from being wiped by hydra. these scars trouble him deeply, so he ends up locking himself up in his room – not knowing how to cope. you begin worry as he was supposed to meet up with you, but he never shows up. you go to his apartment and find him in room, all the lights being turned out. he looks like a mess and your worry gets the best of you upon seeing the dead look he gives you.

his hair isn't actually cut y'all , it's just for
the rp . just wanted to make that cleAr