Examine

twenty-four

ASHLEY

"That dress is pretty," Michael says, his fingers glancing across the light material as I slip past him to get us glasses from the cupboard. 

"How was your dad's wedding?"

"It was good," I respond, as I fill the glasses in the sink and hand him one. I take a large gulp of my own. Then I gaze at him over the brim of my glass.

Michael is leaning against the kitchen bench opposite me, taking a sip out of his own glass. The top button of his shirt is undone, affording a tantalising glimpse of the olive skin of his chest beneath.

I want to undress him. Slip him out of every article of clothing that is inhibiting his lithe body from my purview. I want to give him the attention he deserves.

"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you," I tell him.

Michael's aquamarine eyes appear darker in the dimly lit room as he watches me solemnly. "I missed you."

His words send a pang through me, my lonely heart reaching out tentative fingers toward him, as I realise that I've missed him too. So much.

I swallow. "I didn't think it was right for us to be around each other after what I did to Jack -"

"What we did to Jack," Michael cuts in smoothly. "I've given it a lot of thought, and you're right. I shouldn't have been there. I don't want to sabotage your relationship with Jack."

"About that," I clear my throat, "I broke up with him." 

That sentence drops like a pin in the silence.

Michael winces. "I'm sorry."

I shake my head. "Don't apologise, it was always going to end. It just happened sooner rather than later."

Michael nods. "That may be so, but I realised how much I was full of crap."

I raise my eyebrows at him. "How so?"

"I was at your place – spending time with you – for selfish reasons. I care about you." Michael's jaw clenches. "And I think about you. Not in the way I should be thinking about my brother's girlfriend."

"Ex-girlfriend," I remind him.

My gaze is drawn to Michael's extremely kissable lips, as they upturn the slightest bit. The smell of him, all clean, a hint of sandalwood and some masculine scent that sends my world off-kilter. That makes me want to climb his body. That makes me want to tackle him to the ground and ravish him.

"I don't want to pressure you. Or feel like you need to return my feelings. I just –" Michael rakes a hand through his hair, "I wasn't honest to you or Jack. What I feel for you scares me, because I've never felt this way about anyone before. When I talk to you, see you smile, my entire world slows and spins off its axis. Until there is no sun, no other galaxies, but only you."

My eyes gather dampness and I let out a shaky exhalation. "Fuck me."

Michael looks surprised. "Wait, what?"

I blink my eyes rapidly, trying to regain my composure. My lips find the rim of my glass and I take a small sip of water before admitting, "I have feelings for you too. I want everything with you, Michael."

Our eyes meet. I'm surprised that I'm not launching myself across at him. That our bodies haven't magnetised together by now.

But there's still something holding me back.

My brow furrows, my head pounds and I lower the glass I'm clutching to the bench. It clinks gently on the countertop.

"It's okay," Michael says. He's observant, attuned to the minutest shifts in my demeanour.

"No, it's not. I want everything with you. And I can't –" I choke on the words.

"Shh." Michael's voice is gentle, low, and he steps closer to me. His body heat comforting me, as he pulls me into his arms, and my head nestles on his chest. The tears escape me, and my sobs are muffled in the fabric of his shirt.

"I've got you," Michael murmurs over my head. "I'm here."

He is here. A solid presence that I can't imagine my life without, I can hear his heart beating soundly beneath my ear, and as I listen to its steady thuds, I'm slowly reassured. My focus shifts, until my tears subside and I savour being held, wrapped in his embrace.

I shift a little backwards and Michael releases me.

I wipe at my eyes, I did not put waterproof mascara on, so I'm sure I have panda eyes now.

"Can I get you a tissue?" Michael asks.

"Probably best to save your shirt," I say, and we both look at the massive wet spot on Michael's chest.

Michael chuckles softly. "You can have this anytime."

"Thanks, but the tissues are over there." I point out the box on the other side of the room and Michael moves away to fetch it for me. As he moves back with the tissues, I work up the courage to explain.

"I broke up with Jack less than a week ago." I take a deep breath. "I've been hating myself for so long, punishing myself for feeling attracted to you. I need the time to feel like myself again. To know for sure that this is what I want."

"I understand." Michael hands me the tissue box and I grab a few to blow my nose.

While I'm honking my nose before him Michael looks contemplative.

I finish blowing my nose and he speaks.

"I want you to be sure I'm who you want. I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you. The last thing I want is for you to agree to date me because of our friendship, work relationship, or in a moment of weakness after dating Jack." 

Michael shakes his head. "I know the consequence of jumping into a relationship too soon, without a solid foundation. I'll wait for you to decide. And know that whatever you decide, I'll be okay."

Michael reaches out to wipe an errant tear from my cheek with his thumb. "The most important thing is that you're okay."

His hand drops away from my face and he gives me a reassuring smile. "I'll try my best to give you space, but it's inevitable that we'll see each other at the hospital. I promise I'll be on my best behaviour."

At that, I laugh. "When are you ever not?"

He smirks and adds wryly, "You don't even want to know the thoughts in my head where you're involved. It's a constant struggle to be on my best behaviour."

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a/n: Thanks for reading! I'd be so grateful for any feedback you have so feel free to vote and comment your thoughts. ♡