Part one

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November 4th, 2005

I have a name; but no purpose.
I am living; but not truly living
I am as worthless a..... as a
_______________________

Ugh no no no, that's not right you idiot.
I think to myself as I rip out and crumple up the once new piece of white notebook paper.

I suck at writing too, can I not do anything right?

I am currently sitting in the back of my mothers black buick century, with my red 157 paged notebook and black ballpoint pen laying on my lap.

Normally I love car rides but this one was quiet, my mother and little sister Sarah are in the front. Sarah's 6 and I'm 16.... I wasn't planned Sarah was.
My mother is terrified of me she won't even let me sit near my own sister anymore, or she doesn't even look me in the eye after what I did.

I mean I didn't mean too do it.... but I won't and can't go into detail atleast not now.

All I can tell you is that I can't forgive myself either.

My father passed away shortly after I was born; I heard he's a great man and an excellent warrior.. my father fought in the war.

I don't know much about him, shit I don't even know much about my own mother. I don't even know much about myself,

I don't know anything anymore, I don't even know where we are going... all I know is that I'm all packed.

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