22. | the piercing cries

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How does one define trust?

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How does one define trust?

When you trust someone, you most likely believe that they are sincere and will not deliberately do anything to harm you. You trust them with your honesty, you show them your most vulnerable side, the side that not many people get to see. It's an emotional act, which is why it hurts when one tosses it away like it's an easy thing to build. It makes you feel like you can never trust again.

But what if the person that has lost your trust is someone close to you? Someone you share the same blood with. Someone you've known since the beginning of your miserable life.

A parent. A father.

My father.

I haven't spoken to him since my visit to Ethan's family, Sara and Lizzie, yesterday. I've been doing anything in my power to avoid him, because if I don't, I'll confront him with my current findings. I don't think there's a scenario in which that would end well.

I'm not ready, not yet. Not until we've built a waterproof fundament for our defense and our allegations against him and whoever he worked and is still possibly working with.

Tomorrow, Ethan's attorney, Cole and I are meeting up and going to discuss what each of us have found. Maybe we'll discover similarities, maybe the stories will fit together into a logical whole. Cole and I will both return to the prison that night, and I'll finally see Ethan again and be able to give him hopeful news. At least, that's the best case scenario for tomorrow.

I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for what seems like hours. Thinking about how my life is becoming more complicated the more I dig, and I have a bad feeling that my shovel has barely touched the first layer of ground, covering what's underneath.

The secrets that are drowning out the truth. Buried away from me for so long.

Several questions have been­ taunting my mind since yesterday. Did my father try to get a hitman? If so, why wouldn't he get a professional one, why Ethan? Did Ethan speak with my father directly? He would tell me if he did though, I think. Who spoke on behalf of my father then? Who plotted this with him and why? Why my mother? Why? If he wanted to divorce her, he could just do that. What motivated him to get rid of her, for good? Who killed her, since it wasn't Ethan?

Too many unanswered questions.

I have no idea what to do with the things I know. What do I know? Ethan needs someone to back up his actual story, to prove his innocence and I am more than willing to do that. It would honestly be a lot easier if it wouldn't complicate my own personal life. But after Sara barely stuttered my father's name, I just knew that there's a lot coming for me. A lot, and I don't see how I, or anyone, could mentally prepare for that.

Was it him? Did he slit her throat? Why not poison her or shoot a direct bullet to her head? He made her drown and choke on her own blood, until she couldn't breathe and bled out on the streets.

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