I miss you

Abnormal to me

It's in the afternoon noon and I'm reading yet another love story. It's a rather intriguing one. It's become a hobby now, and yet I do not know why I read it and I don't think I'll find out anytime soon. Mabye it's to try and decipher what love feels like or mabye to have the feeling of having something so unreal. I might never know.

If you're wondering I don't believe in love nor will I ever. When you've seen countless marriages fall apart before your eyes you can't help but think that the human race is just not capable of loving in that way or is it just me who thinks I'm unlovable. I feel the latter to be more possible.

When your just an adult teen who feels like she's seen more than she should have, been burdened with problems she should not have had to deal with, or constantly gets the feeling of knowing more than a child would as a child and can basically see your childhood be unknowingly ripped from you before your own eyes.

And yet upon dealing with all this you still say you're fine. You still shoulder the problems you know are none of your business yet they feel as if they are at the same time. Perplexity is what sticks with you most. When it comes to a point in time when you start questioning every decision you've ever made and think about the what ifs that just adds on to the workload. You are aware of this yet you don't seem to mind. Why? You ask. It's because when a person has been through hell and back they feel that another few problems mean nothing as they know that they've been through a lot worse.

I shut my book as I am now left alone with my thoughts. I walk over to the window seat and peer over the street below me, it's foggy and I can't see much. But I don't mind because I like it. I find it calming, the way they cover everything and making it seem as if nothing is there below, it's peaceful to pretend that there's nothing below as if you are situated on a cloud and floating into nothingness with no one else but you and you alone.

My life was never perfect but it was enough for me. I never asked for much but I got more than I needed.

I was loved you could say, and dearly by my family. I had not many siblings but two older twin brothers Alessandro Ricci Bianchi and Riccardo Alfonsi Bianchi. They have Italian names thanks to my dad who is a Italian himself but my mother on the other hand was purely English. My real name was Edelberga Ferrari Bianchi Michaels. The shortened version is Eda Michaels.

My parents both divorced last year as it became too much for them to live together anymore. It was falling apart for years now. I had seen each and every phase of it. It was never okay in the first place but mabye they were trying to salvage what was left of it and make it work, I wouldn't know. My brothers were in their first year of  college during the time, so they had not seen or been through half the turmoil I had been through as my parents usually toned it down in front of them. And they were away and parties or at errands most of the time so they did not see the worst of it.

I went to live with my mother and my brothers with my father. We were close with both our parents but my brothers felt the need to be with our father as they were old enough to look after themselves, me on the other had I was only a year younger than them and was about to go to college as well since I had just graduated.

Today was my last day with my mum and at this house since tomorrow I'd be leaving for college. I'd be staying in a dorm with a dorm mate and I'm pretty sure I could handle myself and my brothers would be there so I guess that's good.

" Eda dear, come down darling dinners ready". I heard my mother yell.

My mother's name is Lisa Edward Michaels. We live in Holmes Chapel Cheshire. In a two story house. My mum works in a publishing house that she owns so we're well off. My father on the other hand is a business tycoon and extremely rich as well so either way money was not a problems for us on either side.

I went down to have dinner.

"I made spaghetti and meatballs, it's my first time , I hope you like it"

I smile softly at my mother and tell her not to worry. My mother asks the usual questions, the 'are you ready for tomorrow?', 'are you nervous?', and the final ' I'll miss you's we're exchanged' after that we both said goodnight and went to get ready for bed.

I finished my usual nightly routine and laid in bed to try and get some sleep.But it never came as thoughts of tomorrow entered my mind. I couldn't believe it, I was finally going to uni, anything could happen. I could make friends and enemies. There were several possibilities of what could happen. But the what ifs were too many and tomorrow was going to be a long day so I'd better shut my eyes and try to get some sleep. I eventually drifted off into a dreamless slumber with not so peaceful thoughts regarding tomorrow.