hiraeth - a taekook fanfiction

2

Jeongguk who was two years his junior and had a head start in college because he was smart. Jeongguk who had look mortified when some random chick groped him at Alpha Omega nearly two months ago. Jimin had dragged him to the party because he had to get wasted after a shitty break up and when the boy had first laid eyes on Jeongguk, he found that he couldn't look away. Taehyung had watched Jeongguk from across the room for what seemed like hours. The younger had been surrounded by a group of what Taehyung dubbed as "fuckboys" who stared at him like he was some idol and he had looked at ease despite being surrounded by suck ups begging for his attention.
But then Taehyung had encountered him in the kitchen and found out that Jeongguk was actually kind of awkward and he couldn't help but find that endearing. Jeongguk was awkward but sexy in a dangerous way that drew the older boy in.
Taehyung had expected Jeongguk to push him away and call him a freak like everyone else did. He knew that he was a draining person to be around and had prepared himself for Jeongguk to turn tail and run. But he didn't. Taehyung thinks that Jeongguk must have been a saint or something in another life because the younger boy had claimed that he thought that Taehyung was cool and Taehyung felt stupidly giddy at his words. He had felt a sense of relief when Jeongguk didn't look at him in disgust when he confessed that he was gay. His mind had been overflowing with too many things at once and he couldn't help but make the stupid mistake of asking Jeongguk if he wanted to make out. He had immediately regretted saying anything. But to his surprise, Jeongguk had agreed to it and if Taehyung wasn't whipped before then he certainly was now. Jeongguk had practically devoured his soul and Taehyung could still feel his burning touch even after he left.
"I really like him," Taehyung confesses to Jimin through a mouthful of fries. They had ditched Chemistry to go eat the greasy junk food that Jeongguk hated.
Jimin raises a brow. "Who? That Jeongguk kid?" Taehyung had mentioned him on numerous occasions and had been gone so often that Jimin often joked about how he had replaced him with Jeongguk, to which Taehyung vehemently denied because Jimin was someone who could never be replaced. Jimin was someone who had seen flowers blooming underneath overgrown weeds when everyone else had just labeled him as a kid with issues.
"Yeah," Taehyung says flatly. "Him."
Jimin dips a fry into ketchup and mayo before popping it into his mouth and Taehyung believes that his best friend is going to hell for committing such an atrocity. "Then why don't you tell him?"

Taehyung snorts. "Ah, yes. Let me just confess my feelings to a straight guy who I have no chance with and then be rejected and ruin our friendship."
"But didn't you guys like make out or something?" Taehyung tells him that they did but it had just been platonic. A strict bro thing. Jimin rolls his eyes at this. "Okay, so you're telling me that he eats your face off and you almost came in your pants humping each other like two horny dogs, but he's straight ?" Taehyung just nods at him dumbly with flushed cheeks and points out that he has a girlfriend. "Kim Taehyung, you are unbelievable."
Taehyung twirls the straw in his coke, the ice knocking against the glass. "Let's just say that he hypothetically isn't straight. Let's say that Jeongguk hypothetically likes dick. That doesn't change anything."
"How so?"
Taehyung frowns. "'Cos I'm me and Jeongguk is..." Perfect. Unattainable. Popular. Hot. "...he's way out of my league."
Jimin laughs at this. "Have you seen yourself, Taetae? You may not be no football playing frat boy but you're hot as hell. Do you see the way the girls in Chem fuck you with their eyes?" Taehyung furrows his eyebrows in confusion. "God, you're so clueless sometimes it hurts."
"He wouldn't like someone like me," Taehyung mumbles. "Just try to talk to him, okay?"
"I will."
But of course, Taehyung doesn't. When he sees Jeongguk again neither of them mention the incident. Taehyung wants to. He really does. He spends an hour hyping himself up for it but then Jeongguk mentions going on a date with his girlfriend Friday and Taehyung is brought back down to reality. Jeongguk doesn't seem bothered by what happened between them and Taehyung knows that it's idiotic for him to be hurt by his friend's indifference, but he is. Every time Jeongguk mentions his girlfriend or her name pops up on his phone screen, Taehyung is reminded that Jeongguk is not his and that he never will be.
There had been a few times when Taehyung had called Jeongguk only to hear the sound of a female voice giggling in the background and his friend would sound rather breathless through the receiver. Taehyung knew that he shouldn't, but he couldn't help but conjure up the image of Jeongguk naked in bed with the girl that he loves and his chest constricts so tightly that sometimes he feels like he's going to die.
Taehyung wonders if it's possible to feel heartbroken over someone whom he'd never been romantically involved with in the first place. He doesn't know, but the feeling sticks to his ribcage like realizing it was raining on vacation and he couldn't wish it away. It was like finding out that fairytales aren't real and he's not the hero of some cheesy action novel.
It's worse when Taehyung gets angry about it but he knows that he can't direct it at Jeongguk because it's not the boy's fault. It's not the boy's fault that Taehyung is clingy and pathetic. It's not the boy's fault that he was born so incredibly handsome that it takes Taehyung's breath away. There are times when Taehyung can't help but think about the way Jeongguk's lips felt against his as he was dry humped to a near orgasm and Taehyung gets hard; sometimes achingly so. He tries