hiraeth - a taekook fanfiction

3

Jeongguk doesn't want to say anything. Not when Taehyung traces imaginary patterns into his sweaty skin and places a loving kiss onto his collar bone. He doesn't want to speak because now there's no haze of lust to cloud his thoughts.
"I can't believe we waited that long to do that," Taehyung says with a giggle.
"Yeah," Jeongguk tries to put as much enthusiasm in voice as he can, but his response comes out flatter than intended. "Neither can I." He knows that Taehyung won't understand the underlying meaning underneath his words.
The great Jeon Jeongguk has royally fucked up.
Jeongguk is stuck with the crushing reality of how much he's fucked up because that was not just a meaningless fuck and he hates himself. He hates himself so much because he actually likes Taehyung and he doesn't know how to handle real feelings. He doesn't know how to handle emotions that don't center around the suffering of others and he doesn't know how to love anyone.
Jeongguk can't even love himself.
The panic begins to build and he feels like throwing up and fuck, Jeongguk could really use a line or three right now but he doesn't have any on him. Maybe throwing himself off of Mapo Bridge is the best option right now. Maybe cutting his wrists open to show Taehyung how ugly he is, is the right thing to do. Maybe getting hit by a vehicle (preferably a semi to ensure the likelihood of death) is what he should do when he leaves. Anything is better than this. Anything is better than having to face his reality, because Jeongguk is messed up and Taehyung is so fucking pure and too good for him and Jeongguk has just tainted him. Right now, he'd rather be in the morgue because the anxiety is squeezing his chest and oh god -
"Jeongguk?" it's Taehyung's voice that grounds him back to reality. The younger blinks, "huh?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," he lies. "Why?"
Taehyung peers up at him, chewing on his bottom lip nervously. "It's just... you haven't said much, and I...I wanna make sure that this meant as much to you as it did to me."
"I-" Jeongguk's tongue feels like sandpaper. "It did." And that was a problem.
" So," Taehyung drawls. "We're a couple...right?"
And Jeongguk actually laughs at this. He laughs and it reverberates throughout his entire being and this is all ridiculous and confusing because while Jeongguk is amidst an internal crisis, Taehyung still finds a way to be so god damn endearing that it physically hurts.
"I confessed, we went on a date and then we had bomb sex, but you're still asking that?" A blush tints Taehyung's cheeks and he looks bashful. "I-I just wanted to make sure."

"Yeah, we're together and my boyfriend is totally a hopeless loser," Jeongguk taunts.
Taehyung beams at this and Jeongguk is a hundred percent sure that the boy in his arms is the sun, because there's no way that it's possible for a human being to shine the way he does. There's no way that it's possible for a human to affect him in the way that Taehyung does.
And in this moment, Jeongguk wishes that he wasn't born a monster. Jeongguk wishes that he deserved Kim Taehyung.
Chapter End Notes
I apologize if the smut in this was cringe or had a lot of inaccuracies. This was my first time ever writing gay smut and I, myself do not have a penis. I thoroughly studied on Pornhub for an hour if that counts for anything. Please don't forget to leave a kudo and drop a comment as well. Feedback is appreciated :)

Half Truth's
Chapter Summary
It's not a lie until you get caught.
Chapter Notes
I highly suggest listening to this playlist while reading through this chapter
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Jeongguk is very hot, and apparently not very straight.
And by some miracle, he's also Taehyung's boyfriend: a concept that Taehyung himself is still trying to wrap his head around. Jeongguk, who Taehyung has spent the better part of three months crushing on, actually likes him back. Jeongguk, who Taehyung had spent three months fantasizing about, actually fucked him.
The older boy was admittedly a little freaked out when Jeongguk had confessed to him- scratch that, he was a little bit more than freaked out. Jimin had assured his friend that Jeongguk was genuine after Jeongguk had left that morning and had said, "you should have seen him when he told me, Taetae. He really talked about you like you were all the stars in the sky or some shit. It was cute."
And Taehyung had felt so stupid for doubting Jeongguk's feelings for him, because the boy was kind yet enigmatic in a way that made Taehyung hesitate. Jeongguk was the kind of person who'd only let you read the first page before tearing the rest out at the seams when you tried to turn the pages. Jeongguk was the kind of person who put a period to any inquiries about himself past the basics: favorite color, hobbies, aspirations for the future. And sometimes, the Taehyung was afraid that Jeongguk was the kind of person who walked into his life just to shake his pond and then leave.
"Christmas break is coming up soon," Taehyung voiced on a late Saturday evening as he and Jeongguk lounged in the living room of his apartment, the younger laying across the couch with Taehyung splayed out on top of him. They had spent the better part of the day binge watching all of the Batman movies and lulling in and out of light naps. The hellish week of final exams started the following Monday and the couple had buried themselves in textbooks and projects, which turned Taehyung into a near zombie. Jeongguk seemed to have more work as a business major and Taehyung couldn't understand how the younger managed to keep himself so composed.
 
Jeongguk hums in response, dark eyes intensely focused on the Joker's fucked up ultimatum: forcing Bruce Wayne to choose between saving the lives of hundreds of people or saving the life of his lover. Taehyung had asked his Jeongguk who he would choose if he were Batman, to which he responded with, "I would let the world burn for you." It was supposed to be a joke, but Taehyung can't help but feel as if Jeongguk had taken the question too seriously.
"How long will you be going home for?" Taehyung asks, absentmindedly tracing patterns on the back of his lover's hand.
"I'm not going home," he says cooly.
This time, Taehyung looks up at him, chin perched atop his chest. "Why? Jeongguk is still staring at the screen. "'Cos there's no reason for me to go."
Taehyung gives him a dubious look. "What do you mean there's no reason? Don't you want to see your family?"
It's a moment before Jeongguk responds, but when he finally turns his head to Taehyung, his expression is unreadable. "My parents are really busy," he says. "We usually celebrate holiday's later than usual because they're often in different countries for work."
Taehyung knows that Jeongguk's answer is reasonable, but it all sounds so rehearsed, as if a story that he's told a million times. He can't help but feel as if the younger is keeping secrets.
"But they'll still call, right? To wish you Merry Christmas and all?" all of Taehyung's friends complain about their parents at one point or another and Jimin's mom calls every week. Taehyung has never seen Jeongguk receive a call from neither his mom or dad, nor does he ever speak of them. On one hand, Taehyung could just be over analyzing everything, but on the other, he's spent most of his time hanging around Jeongguk since they met three months ago.
Jeongguk purses his lips at the question. "Maybe," he says. And then he's turning back to the T.V. putting 'The End ' in between the letters of a paragraph and burning the middle and end with words that will forever be left unsaid.