Bandmate ||Ricky Garcia||

《f i f t y- f o u r》

((((Trigger warming
I'm going to be mentioning self harm so please if you dont feel comfortable skip the 1st part of the chapter. I'll signal when its done. ))))

Audrey's POV

''It's none of that''

''Then?'' I ask but he just glares down. His hand reaches for the buttons in his shirt and tightens his grip.

''I'm scared.''

''Ricky I won't judge you on your body, trust me mine isn't the prettiest either.'' I try to joke but he's face shows no emotion. ''You can't shower with a shirt on and your too tipsy to even focus. I'm just trying to help.''

His hand drops to his side as if he had given up. I took that as entry and started to unbutton his shirt. "I love you.'' I stop in the third button and then I remember he's drunk.

''No, you don't.'' He's too buzzed to know what that word is, let alone speak it with meaning.

''Audrey I'm in love with you.'' I hold my breath, don't fall for it, don't fall for it! I get to the last button and I expose his chest.

Oh...

I felt the blood drain out of me. My fingers jerked away from his body in fear. His stomach was covered in scars, not little baby ones he had on his wrist, these were bigger, deeper.

''I told you it wasn't pretty.'' Here I was thinking he meant he had flabs or a hairy chest, no he had scars. They covered from his ribcage down to his belly button, a good four inches in length. 

''Why did you do this?'' That was a stupid question but I was in shock. The world wide famous singer Ricky Garcia was broken beyond belief. The scares resembled the claws of a monster trying to escape from his insides.

''I was always told I was chubby. Back in middle school, my dad would always say how no girls would like me because I had noodle arms and belly rolls.''

''I'm sure he was just exagerating-''

''No, he was right. There was a point where I weighed almost 160 pounds at the age of 12. There was this one girl. I liked her so much, Audrey. You have no idea. But when I finally got the guts to tell her she said that if I worked out a little more she would say yes, so I did. I tried so fucking hard. My body wasn't changing and I wasn't fitting in. Justin and Marc are in really good shape and so was my dad. It was stupid but in 8th grade, I had so much self-hate and build up anxiety I didn't know what to do. I felt so weak. Audrey I know it was stupid but it the moment I literally felt like dying. I remember I reached for a can of Pepsi twisted the little opener thing off and pressed hard. I- I wanted to cut the fat away.  Audrey, you have no idea how much I hated myself.''

My thumb brushed away a tear that started to drip down his rosy cheeks. I have the same feeling of not finding the proper words to make him feel better, but then again nothing would.

 ''I don't think you're weak. You thought at the moment doing that would help and I'm not going to judge you for that. But Ricky I don't know if this will help or if you'll be able to remember this tomorrow, but you an incredible human being that doesn't need to prove how wonderful he is.''

His nose twitched and his jaw clenched. He had no idea how beautiful he was. Suddenly all those time he yelled at me, it was because he was scared. When he cornered me after I opened the door on him it made sense that he threaten me. I hated him for scaring me and the heat behind his eyes were of someone who was suffering in silence.

At first sight, he looks perfect. His confidence and attitude would have never made me wonder what was down under.

''I didn't want you to know about this. The last thing I wanted was to pour my problems on yours but I really do love you.''