I bleed when I fall down

'I'm lost here in this moment'

. Friday 11th October

'Why isn't Amelia coming in?' Noah pouts to his dad, who is currently trying to get him to put his shoes on. Joe doesn't usually deal with the school run, but he's off today so he offered. He didn't expect it to be this hard. 'Can't we all have the day off.'

'You know why Amelia isn't going in.' A voice behind him makes him jump a little. 'Stop messing about for daddy and put your shoes on.' He looks up at Dianne and reaches down to tie up his shoes. 'Are you still okay to see her teacher?' He nods, as she hands the twins their lunchboxes.

'Is Amelia going to the doctors because of Monday?' Harry asks, halfway into the drive to school, looking at his dad in the mirror. Mummy said that she is okay.' Joe smiles at his son.

'Yeah, it's best just to get her checked out though.' He tells his son. There's no point trying to explain it to them, he can't even get his head around it. The rest of the journey is silent, besides a few exchanges between the twins.

He finds himself standing in the school office, waiting for his daughter's teacher at 9AM. 'Ah Mr Sugg.' She beams, 'What can I do for you?' He pauses, having only met this woman a handful of times. He passes her the exercise book his daughter insisted he take into school.

'Amelia.' He begins. 'She's got a doctor's appointment this morning, about Monday and yesterday.' She nods, Dianne had mentioned something yesterday. 'We don't know what is going to happen, so we aren't sure if she will be in today.' She nods, concern evident in her face. 'She insisted I bring this in, just in case she isn't coming in this afternoon.' The woman nods.

'Good luck with the appointment.' She says, turning away. 'And thank you for this.'

'Did you hand in my homework?' Is the first thing he is met with when he walks through the door. He nods, bringing the hot drinks he brought on the way home into the house. He points out which ones is each of theirs.

'What are they going to-do to me?' The small girl questions, as Dianne grabs her hand. Joe watches the two girls interact. 'Mummy. I'm scared.' Dianne shakes her head, trying to be strong for the younger girl.

'Don't you worry baby girl.' She squeezes her hand. 'It will be fine, we will probably have a little chat with Dr Isaacs, you will have to tell him what happened. He will probably read what Miss Healy wrote down as well.' She nods, Dianne can tell she is panicked, she is equally as panicked. She doesn't want to let her daughter know how worried she really is. She's done her research, scouring mumsnet. Nothing there to reassure her.

The automatic door of the surgery swings open, and Joe goes to sign her in on the machine. There are a few other people here, all bar one looked over sixty. Amelia was the only child. 'We are going to auntie Zoe's tomorrow.' Joe tells his daughter, very quietly. He knows she likes going to Zoe's, she loves her cousins.

'Do I have to?' She asks, this is the first time that she's mentioned not wanting to go. Dianne turns to her.

'You love auntie Zoe.' She just shrugs. 'Is this about Monday?' She asks quietly, bringing the child into her chest. She's met with a little nod, as Dianne pulls her closer. She had twigged something was wrong after school yesterday. Dianne had been told there was another episode, very similar to the Monday episode. This was half an hour before the end of the school day, so they didn't call her to pick her up. Clearly, her daughter was embarrassed. 'Oh, baby girl.' She nuzzles her face into her daughter's dark hair, inhaling the strawberry shampoo smell.

'Please don't make me go.' Dianne nods, looking at her husband.

'Okay, we will see how you feel tomorrow baby girl.' She seems satisfied with that answer, as she lays her head on Dianne's lap, letting her mother gently plait her fine hair, as she watches people go in and out the surgery, waiting for their turn.