I bleed when I fall down

'Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?'

Saturday 12th October 2030

'Amelia.' The older girl cries, running up to her cousin and bringing her into a hug. Isabelle 'Belle' is just under year and a half older than her younger counter part, being born in December 2019. Kian Deyes is fourteen months younger than his sister, being born seven weeks before his cousin. The five of them get on quite well. 'Do you want to come and see my new doll?' The child stares at her parents reluctantly, Joe nodding and pushing her forward slightly.

The look Dianne gives Joe doesn't go unnoticed by Zoe. She makes a mental note to question her brother about it later. 'Would you like a drink?' Zoe asks, trying to break the tension that is mounting between the two standing in front of her. Dianne shakes her head, motioning to the water bottle she has in front of her. 'Dad is already here.' Zoe tells the pair of them, as they follow her to the conservatory, where two men are chatting, and the three boys are running about in the garden. They go up, greeting the pair of them. 'Where is my granddaughter?' A voice question's, dragging Joe out of his thoughts.

'She's gone upstairs with Belle.' Dianne tells him, looking at Joe. 'Do you want me to call her down?' He shakes his head, saying something about letting her play with her cousin and he will see her later. They make small talk, until Zoe comes back with a tray full of drinks. The room is suddenly filled with five little people, each grabbing a drink before running outside to play on the climbing frame, the dreaded feeling returning to her stomach, watching her daughter climb on the frame.

'So, what is the plan for the day?' Joe questions his sister, leaning back into the garden furniture. 'What are we doing?' Zoe observes that the pair of them aren't as close as they usually are, Dianne coming across as a bit standoffish against Joe.

'I'm thinking we could go to the beach.' Zoe suggests, it's a beautiful day and they can run along the beach, tire themselves out a little bit.' Joe nods in agreement, they are all staying over tonight and none of them want five kids full of energy at 2AM. 'But only if you agree.' She adds in, studying her sister-in-law's face.

'Sounds perfect.' Her brother replies, usually he would check for Dianne's opinion, it doesn't go unnoticed. He had briefed them all that Amelia is sick, and that she's going to the hospital soon. It didn't seem right trying to explain what was happening to his daughter over the phone. 'We can eat lunch here, and then we can get going.' Alfie nods in agreement.

The five of them watch their kids interact, Joe notices how Dianne tenses up as the kids run in and out of the waves, Joe knows she's been googling all the risks associated with epilepsy. He would be lying if he said he hadn't, of course he had. He tries to take it with a pinch of salt. When Dianne is questioned about why she is so apprehensive about letting the three of them into the water, she lies. She tells them that it is bloody October and they will catch pneumonia. They laugh at her, its a usually high temperature for October, they will be fine. Joe joins in with the teasing. He's not sure why, but he does it anyway.

The first one back is Amelia, going to sit on Dianne's lap, telling her mum that she is tired. Alfie tells her she should go and play with her cousins, they haven't seen one another since the twin's birthday party two weeks ago. Dianne shakes her head, telling her that she doesn't have too. Joe shoots a look over to Alfie, which stops him questioning Dianne. She sits there for half an hour, before the other four come back

It's not until they are back from the beach that Zoe gets Joe alone. 'So, what's happening?' She asks, straight to the point. Joe shakes his head, he doesn't know where to start to explain it.

'Amelia is having these episodes.' He's starts, very carefully picking his words. 'Dianne got called into school on Monday, she had one of these episodes and she had wet herself.' Zoe gives him a funny look, as he shakes his head. 'In the past, everyone has played off her daydreaming as being a daydreamer, and maybe a bit dozy, but it turns out she might actually have something wrong with her.'

'Poor love.'

'This was witnessed by the school nurse, who suggested that she be checked out for epilepsy.' He looks out the window to the child playing football with everyone else outside. On the other side of the garden, he spies, a very worried Dianne. He can see she's waiting for something to happen. 'We went to the doctor yesterday, she's got an emergency appointment with paediatrics next Thursday.'

'What is the deal with you and Di?' He shrugs, casting his gaze to the woman in the garden. 'Cause she isn't herself.'

'No, she isn't.' Joe agrees. 'She's taking it hard, she tells us that the doctor said it's probably nothing, but I think she's just trying to convince herself that nothing is wrong, when it clearly is. We weren't coming down yesterday.' Zoe throws her brother a strange look.

'Amelia is worried it would happen again, and everyone would laugh.'

'No one would do that. I sat the kids down, saying that Amelia wasn't feeling well and if she didn't feel well they shouldn't pester her to play. I didn't go into details.' Not that Zoe knew any of the details. 'They love her, they wouldn't laugh at her. And you know none of us would say anything to her. She's nine.'

'Well that's what I said to her, and she perked up after that. Dianne, on the other hand.' He trails off, not knowing what to say to his sister. He doesn't know what is happening with his wife, so how could he try to explain it to his sister when he doesn't even know what is happening? 'She is worried, she just doesn't know how to convey it. She's scared, but then so is her daughter, and she is the one that matters.' Zoe can see the flicker of anger in her brothers' eyes, she can see where both of them are coming from. 'It's like no one else can say that she's sick, but her. She actively tells me that it is probably nothing and that she will be okay, but I don't think she will.'

'I don't know how I would react, if it were either of them.' She confesses. 'I can't even imagine what Di is feeling.' She notices Joe giving her a look. 'Don't look at me like that Joe, the mum-child relationship is different.' She pauses, momentarily looking outside. 'She's spent months carrying her, she was the one who was sick. And you remember how sick Di was with it, don't you?' Joe nods slowly, she was far sicker than Zoe when she got pregnant. She was worse with Amelia than with the twins, he was worried about her.

'Yeah.'

'She was the one in labour for how many hours?' She asks her brother.

'27.'

'Exactly, and I can tell you that childbirth simulator is far less painful than actual labour. She would have been in agony, for a very long time. She was the one who fed her for seven months, and that's stressful Joe and, at times, painful. She's the one who makes sure that she is okay, that the three of they are happy. Then she's the one who is there after school every day, making sure that they have everything they need. She had to give up dancing, something she clearly loved, for the baby. It doesn't matter that she's a choreographer now, she still had to give up what she loved, what brought the pair of you together. She's the one whose life changed the moment that test read positive.'

'I know, but she's okay with that.' Zoe shakes her head, her brother missing the point entirely.

'I'm not saying she isn't. We both know she would do anything for the three of them, we know she loves being a mum, and she is an amazing mum. You and I both know that Joe. That isn't the point Joe. I'm trying to explain to you how she must feel like a failure.'

'Why?' Still not understanding what his sister is trying to tell him.

'She's dedicated her life to making sure they are happy, you said that it has been passed off as her being a dreamer in the past, if there is something wrong with her.' Joe nods. 'Well she must be kicking herself that she missed this, that she didn't notice that it was something more than her just being in her own world. She must feel awful.'

'But there was no way of knowing.' He looks down, almost ashamed. 'I thought it was just when someone looks at lights and they fall on the floor and they shake, they can't watch movies or go to nightclubs. Neither of us knew about this, we couldn't have known.'

'Yeah, but that doesn't stop you feeling guilty.'

A/n Thoughts? Ngl I feel super inspired, found out last night I am going to see Joe at comic relief. I. Am. Buzzed. Might even get around to updating a world to rediscover....