I bleed when I fall down

'It's okay to be afraid , but it will never be the same'

Tuesday 14th January 2031

'Come here.' Dianne motions for her daughter to come and sit next to her. She obliges, coming over to the woman, so she can take the earrings out of her ear.

'Why do you have to do that?' She asks, looking around the empty waiting room. Dianne looks down at the girl. She takes in her daughters' image, she seems to have grown up a lot in recent months. She's looking more like Joe as the days go by, they have the same stupid sense of humour, and his trademark smile.

'It's just for the machine, you'll have to take your shoes off too.'

'Why?' Her daughter is asking a lot of questions today, about what she is doing. She is a lot more upbeat about this test, after the 24-hour cardiac monitor, Joe had given her a pep talk and things had changed, it wasn't perfect, but it was better. Dianne doesn't have all the answers, but she tries her best to answer truthfully. She is also aware that she needs to make sure she doesn't scare the child. 'Why mummy?' She asks again.

'It's a big magnet.' She says, lowering her voice because she doesn't want to scare any of the other children in the waiting room, not that there is many. It's 4PM, so her daughter is one of the last ones to be seen. 'It's going to look into your brain and see if anything is wrong?'

'Is that why I have to take some stuff off?' Dianne nods, casting her eye around the room, sending a quick text to Joe saying that the clinic is running a bit late, but it shouldn't be too long now.

'Amelia Sugg.' The little girl hops up, moving towards the nurse as Dianne follows behind.

'Is it true a magnet is going to look into my brain?' Dianne can hear her daughter question, she smiles to herself a bit. She is slightly relieved that her daughter hasn't kicked off about this procedure, even though Dianne thought this was scarier.

'Yes.' She says, motioning for the pair to go into the room. 'Have you got the form?' She asks Dianne, who nods passing the questionnaire to the nurse. She scans it. 'Just to check, her last seizure was 27th November?' Dianne nods. 'Can I ask what type of seizure it was?'

'Tonic-clonic.' She tells her, looking down at the child who is currently entertaining herself with a jigsaw puzzle.

'And she is on medication?' Dianne nods.

'50mg of Lamotrigine, 25mg in the morning and 25mg in the evening.' The nurse nods, writing something down.

'She isn't pregnant?' Dianne tries to hide the shock on her face, her nine-year-old daughter is most certainly not pregnant, she barely knows what a period is.

'No. No, she is not.'

'We have to ask.' She apologises. 'Right missy.' She starts, getting the small girl's attention. 'You ready for this?' She looks at Dianne, for the first time today, she see's panic in her eye, Dianne motions for her to come near, giving her a big cuddle.

'It's okay little one.' She pushes her back a little, grabbing something out of her bag. She passes her daughter the blanket she fished from out of the bag. The child clasps it close, inhaling its scent. She smiles at her mum, she hadn't even thought to ask her mum to bring that for her.

'Thank you.' She whispers, as they follow the nurse into the room with the machine.

'Right can you take your shoes off and give them to mummy?' She nods shyly, kicking off the converses and handing them to the red-head, keeping hold of the blanket. The bed is lowered, and she hops on. 'You have to lay very still.' The woman tells her daughter. 'It's going to be very loud, so you need to put these on.' She's magically conjured up a pair of ear defenders. She puts them on her ears, they make her seem even smaller. 'And if you lay here.' She gets the child to lie back, putting the helmet over her head. 'Mummy and I will be standing in that room, as soon as it's done we will be back in.'

'Love you mummy.' She whispers, it warms Dianne's heart a little bit, but her voice sounds so broken.

'I love you so much too baby.'

The test lasts half an hour, and when she comes out of the scanner she doesn't seem to traumatised. She skips out of the room, Dianne letting her go down the slide a few times. It's nice to see her laugh. It's dark, so Dianne holds her daughter close as they make their way through St Thomas', trying to find the right wing to leave from.

They pop off at McDonalds, it's a little after five and Dianne knows they will miss teatime. She watches as her daughter picks apart her dinner, but she still eats it, face covered in ketchup. If Joe were here, he would laugh at how she has inherited Dianne's messy streak.

On the train back, Amelia lays with her head on Dianne's lap, almost falling asleep as Dianne plays with her hair. Joe picks them up for the station, asking how the appointment went. She tells her dad about how she got a sticker, Dianne confirming that it all went to plan. 'Shower time.' She tells her daughter.

'Can I not have a bath?' She pouts, Dianne shakes her head. She's reluctant to let her daughter have a bath. It's far more dangerous. She knows her daughter doesn't want her in the bathroom with her, she's growing up, she gave up showering with her daughter when she was six, the compromise of her being able to shower on her own, she sits outside the unlocked door.

'Not today baby girl.' She pouts but grabs her towel off her mum, and saunters into the bathroom. The boys come and say goodnight to their mum, as she sits outside the room with baited breath, waiting for the shower to turn off. She wonders if this is ever going to go, the worry whenever the little girl isn't with her. She knows that she can't mollycoddle her daughter, she can't keep her in her sight forever, at some point she is going to have to come to terms with that.

'Sweet dreams.' She kisses her daughters head, tucking her into bed. She watches as her daughter settles in her bed, wriggling around like she used to-do when she was a baby Dianne watches as her breathing evens out, before turning around.

She feels her husband pressing a gentle kiss on the back of her neck, kissing the base of her tattoo. Things between them seem to be settling down, just a little bit. It's not the same, but it works for them. 'Hello.' She breathes, pushing her daughter's door to, the pair of them walking down the hallway and into the privacy of their own bedroom, neither of them needing to say anything.

She turns around, kicking the door too with her leg. Joe pulls her in for kiss. Dianne smirks closing her eyes as he starts to kiss her neck. Dianne lets out a little moan as he peppers kisses along her jawline, reaching the sweet spot behind her ear. He's careful not to apply too much pressure, hickeys are things for teenagers, not middle-aged people like them. He moves back up to her lips, as the pair gravitate towards the bed.

Dianne falls onto the bed, Joe joining her, only breaking the kiss as Joe pulls her t-shirt over her head and undoing her bra, letting it fall to the floor, both of them having a fair idea where this night is heading.

A/N Thoughts?