Amidst the Heart
The burning rays of the sun that seeping through the car's window is making me uncomfortable. Saka ko lang napagtantong nakaupo pala ako sa bandang parte ng sasakyan kung saan nasasakop ng sinag ng araw. It is the time of the day when the sun's rays are the strongest. Habang patagal nang patagal, mas lalo kong nararamdaman ang nakakapasong init nito.
Maybe, it's a form of reminder saying that I am still alive.
I thought I've already numb since that day but unfortunately, life has its ways to make me feel every pain, no matter how much I wanted to avoid it. It might be easier for me right now to numb out, it lets me escape for a while.
Because being alive is difficult and being here is difficult. Being here just simply reminds me about the memories we've shared together.
I never thought coming back to my hometown could be this hard and painful for me to deal emotionally. It's been what? Six or seven years?
Magmula nang tumapak ako sa Amerika, walang araw na hindi ko hiniling na makabalik na dito at makasama ang mga mahal ko pero ngayong nandito na ako, parang gusto ko na ulit bumalik sa Amerika at huwag nang bumalik pa dito kahit kailan. Takasan nalang ang realidad.
But I needed to be here. I need to be here until her very last moment. That's the least thing I can do for her now... because I wasn't there when she needed the most to be saved and held.
I failed to save her... and I've lived with the guilt ever since.
