i'm going to use you, not love you

il mio cuore desidera ardentemente, franco

the title is Italian, use google translate, kids. dad likes speaking in tongue. also im adopting all of you, you can either call me dad or mom. idc. 

GERARD'S POV 

t;w: mentions of suicide, self harm, blood.  

ALSO DONT FUCKING START THE SONG UNTIL I SAY SO IT DOESN'T FIT FOR THE FIRST PART.

there it was.

 there he was.

 my baby, just hanging there, limply and lifeless. 

the tint of blood drained from his cheeks, the bleach in his hair faded, his lips dull and cracked, his neck black, blue and purple from the tight rope ringed around it and his wrist dripping blood from the words etched into them. they read "do you wanna fuck me now?" 

i can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and then i hear a voice.

  "this is your fault," 

"it's not my fault!" i scream clawing at my hair.

"he's dead because you left him, of course its your fault." 

"its not my fault!" 

"it's your fault, your fault"  the voice chants. 

"shut up! shut up, shut up!" i yell over the voice but it just keeps getting louder and louder and louder,

 until i wake up, tears spilling from my eyes, sweat draining my clothes and my throat aching the image of frank like that is still haunting my mind. my beautiful boy....so fucking sick like that. 

i want the picture out of my brain.

 i dig my nails into my scalp and scream and cry trying to get rid of it. 

-~- YOU CAN START THE SONG NOW

its been 20 minutes. 

of crying.

and screaming here and there.

the image is still tattooed into my brain. 

i need to see him. now. 

i need to make sure he's gucci. and still alive.

i stumble out of my bed, throw on clothes that i found on the floor and leave the house. 

i hop into my car and start to drive going as fast as the speed limit will allow me to. 

i finally get to the small, forest green house and pull into the driveway. i get out and run to his door, lift a plant pot and grab the spare key and slam it into the keyhole. i return the key to its original place and swing the door open, slip in and close the door behind me. 

"Gee?" a tiny figure appears in front of me, wrapped in a pastel blue blanket. 

"frank!" i run to him and wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. "you're alive! im sooooo sorry for last night." i said and placed a soft kiss to his cheek and smiled at him. 

"um, yeah i am?" it came out sounding like a question but i think he meant it as a statement. "why did you leave last night?" 

oh no. 

ohnoohnoohno. 

"er- um- well, i," i stumbled over my words trying to come up with a lie, but i deiced against it. im going to tell him the truth. 

"i left cause" i sighed "i think i'm falling for you, frank."  

he scoffed "don't fucking lie." 

"i'm not lying, sugar." i tried again. 

he furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head like a dog. "you aren't?" 

i shook my head. 

"i don't think i believe you." 

"i love you, Frankie." 

 he smiled. not a fake smile either. a real smile. and it melted my heart. i smiled back. 

"i love you too, Gee." he stood on his tippy toes and kissed me softly. i kissed back of course.  

i pulled away after a few minutes of this and smiled again. "frank iero, will you do me the honors in being my boyfriend?" 

his face lit up as he blushed and nodded "yes, of course, Gerard." 

"good," i hummed pulled him closer to me. "do you wanna go out with me?" i asked. 

he nodded happily and kissed me. 

"lets go." 

(hey children! im feeling much better now, thanks for all the nice things you guys said! also we're all most at like 100 reads and im so happpy for that!!!sorry that this was so short! also frank and gee are together now!!! i love you guys so muchhh <3 okay bye! ) 

xorob!