"Only in the darkness can you see stars."
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It has been six years since Ben Solo succumbed to his fate and betrayed the Jedi Order after being seduced by the Dark Side. With the aid of his immense power, the First Order has cast a shadow over the g...
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He's at the door again.
"Lyra. Lyra!" He shouts, and I can feel the fury pulsating from him, and goosebumps once again wreak havoc on my smooth skin. I bite my lip, but absolutely nothing comes from my lips..
Of course, this angers him further.
We're trapped in this weird dance again, but this time the roles are reversed.
After what he had the audacity to taunt me with such a sore matter, to kick me while I'm down, to make me feel impossibly worse here and with such a low blow- even for him- I have nothing left to say.
He never opens the door when he comes anyway.
"Lyra!"
Oh, how I wish there was some way I could tune out the guttural, raw, inhuman audible assault of his insistent screaming. Even if I could protect myself from the noise, nothing could keep me from feeling it all through our connection.
Another 15 minutes pass. No sign of stopping, but I do feel as if I want to bash my head into the wall.
I can't take it anymore.
"Just stop, STOP, you laser-brains! You sound absolutely demented!" I slam my fists on the door. I make sure to revel in the brief moment of silence that I've earned following.
"Well? Are you going to open the damned door?" Kylo asks immediately, paying no mind to my little outburst. I roll my eyes. The logical part of me begs me not to, to leave him standing there, because he's already done enough.
I don't tend to listen to my logical side.
"You know the passcode." I mutter.
I swear I can hear him pressing the correct buttons before I'm even finished with my sentence. The door slides open, and we do something we've weirdly grown accustom to when meeting now: standing, and staring at each other like we've both magically sprouted a second head.
"I told you I won't talk to you with that blasted thing on." I'm the first to break the long silence, my line of vision shifting down to my wool socks over the cool floor tiles.
I hear the familiar hiss, squeak and click as the mouthpiece gives way and he takes the mask from his head, setting it haphazardly on a table by the doorway with a clunk.
"It's inexcusable that you have taken this long to answer to me. Six days? Any typical prisoner of mine would've been tortured for two." He growls, stepping around me, striding deeper into the room.
His eyes scan over my living space as if to scrutinize it. He pointedly scoffs at the growing pile of dirty clothes on the floor near my closet, and I have to hide a smirk. He'd snuck into my chambers so often in the temple that my natural untidiness shouldn't even phase him at this point.
"I believe my behavior is perfectly excusable after what you said to me." I reply, followed by a click of my tongue. I fully anticipate the poisonous glare I am gifted as a response to my words.
"You're being childish." Kylo chastises, finally putting a stop to his pacing. His tall, brooding form looms over me, intentionally enough to make me feel every bit of the part of the child in this scenario, hunched and small at the edge of my bed.
"Childish? What could your inferiors possibly think of you standing outside my door every day for the better part of a week, throwing a tantrum like a petulant toddler?" I rise as I finish my remark, glaring into his eyes challengingly despite only reaching the height of his broad shoulder.
They are burning with fury.
He thrusts his gloved hand out, jaw twitching, and and my breath is squeezed out of me. I struggle to suck in air, clawing at the invisible fingers crushing my trachea, but the hold on me only seems to coil around my lungs tighter.
Realization dawns in his face a half a second later and Kylo then releases me, his pale cheeks blooming into a striking shade of scarlet. I gasp loudly and my body is quickly wracked in a coughing fit, the sound wretchedly resonating from the walls, my eyes watering horribly.
Kylo stands rigidly still as he watches this play out, but I can see his hand jerk at the edge of my gaze as if he wants to comfort me. He decides to hold back. When it's quiet again, he's the one to break the silence.
"The troopers are used to my, uh... err, tantrums." He admits, his tone lighter, almost joking. I look intensely into his eyes, such a soft, beautiful brown, one almost wouldn't notice what lurks in their depths. Perhaps that's what he's attempting to hide with the mask.
"You're better than that." I say honestly. He turns my words over in his head almost thoughtfully.
In the back of my mind, I realize that I'm not nearly as upset as I should be after he literally force-choked me, but maybe I'm just finally growing numb to the pain he regularly inflicts upon me... whether he's here in front of me, or haunting my thoughts, especially in the moments before I drift into restless sleep and the long hours after.
"I'm obviously... not." He resolves. Heavy silence weighs both of us down again, but it gives me the chance to voice the question I've been wanting to ask him for a while now.
"Kylo, why are you still keeping me here? Don't you realize, things are never going to be the same as they used to be?" I wince as I am saying it, expecting an enraged outburst, but I'm surprised when it never comes.
"I let you slip from my grasp once, I won't do it again." He bites his plump lower lip. Something in my chest involuntarily softens, the illogical part, but I push it away.
"Now's a little late to try and be romantic, don't you think?" I fold my hands in my lap to keep from reaching for his, hoping my joke will take away from the impact his divulgence has on me.
And for the first time in years, I finally witness the smallest piece of the sweet, genuine grin I had fallen so deeply in love with all those years ago.
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hey guys! im a little behind because i lost the journal that i handwrote one of the chapters i'm working on, rlly hope i find it in time for the next update bc it's an especially important one :D
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