Edward's Diary

What the Facebook!

Dear Diary,

Bob the Builder, Can we fix it? Bob the Builder Yes, we can! Scoop, Muck and Dizzy and Roley too Lofty and Wendy join the crew . . . 

“What are you singing? ” my eyes widened as if I could see him, even though I was a good twenty feet away from him in the kitchen.  

“Well, Edward, you must have spent your childhood reading, and gardening and being the stuck up guy that you are, and you must have loved it, but I did not. I spent my childhood with rainbows and cows and playing with little pigs. And I'm reminiscing that.” Emmett said bobbing his head back and forth. What was worse was that he had said this out loud, and now everybody, including Bella, who was standing at the stove (making Parmesan for Nessie), started laughing.

You did gardening?! Ha! .. Jasper taunted me.  

“Yeah, yeah, laugh your southern ass off. The same one a horse kicked and dislocated when you were what . . . fourteen?” I would have grimaced if he had been in the room, but that shut him up, so the comment obviously met its purpose.

“WHAT? ! You fractured your ass? Is that even possible?” Emmett shouted and started guffawing.

What is this? Embarrassing-trivia-about-everyone-that-I-really-don't-care-about-but-listen-to-anyway-because-they-are-fun day? Rosalie thought, tinkering with a car part in the garage. Nicknames were not her forte.

Keep 'em coming, keep 'em coming. Alice smiled slyly to herself.  

“What are you smiling at?” I gave the stink eye that I was pretty sure I had picked up somewhere along the way from Charlie, “And Emmett, childhood was eighty years ago. It's not my fault that you still have the brain matter of a six year old.” 

“Very true” I heard Renesmee's voice from the garage as she drove up and parked her car, “Whatever we are talking about.”

'Why did we ever have kids?' Carlisle shook his head at the clan of clowns that he and Esme had raised.  

“Hey honey!” Bella hugged her, “How was school? Did they treat you okay?”  

        Today had officially been Renesmee's first day of school. We had all decided that Renesmee was old enough to pass for a Freshman and could start school now. Up until now, her rapid growth had prevented us from sending her to school: it was just too jeopardous. We couldn't have people showing up at our door saying that our daughter looked a year older each day. But four years of home schooling had worn her out. We had all anticipated the arrival of the day when Nessie would finally put her foot down and ask to be sent to a 'normal' school, but it had still been debated by us.  

        After tens of hundreds of votes and precautions and bribings (by us) and even crying (mostly by Nessie), Bella and I had come to a decision: we would send Nessie to school for a 'trial' period, and would gauge how she did with people and the general atmosphere. Nessie had been over the moon. I swear I had never heard that many 'I love you, daddy's' come out of her mouth in a day. 

“Aside from the stares and the prom date parade, it was good, yeah.” Nessie hugged Bella back and then approached me.  

“Hello honey,” I hugged and kissed her forehead, wishing she would never outgrow this stage, “What prom-date parade?”  

Bella gave me a raised eyebrow, and all the other ladies rolled their eyes. Here we go again, Rosalie thought.  

Nessie would never date if Edward had his way, Esme smirked.  

        The men, however, sat up straighter. Thank god—at least somebody thought of keeping Nessie away from hormone crazy sex machines. Not to mention, Jacob would rip any guy who looked at Nessie apart. That was an added bonus for me: an all time bodyguard.