Random oneshots

Malina Weissman x Reader

It's a goddess' birthday, so y'know your girl's gotta praise.

The two pieces of German are underlined

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"MALINAAAA!!" I yelled from the couch, face still buried into my book, A Series Of Unfortunate Events book number 8.

"YES BITCH?" Malina yelled, gremlin walking into the room, toothbrush in mouth.

"Happy birthday, love!!" I put my book down, gremlin running over to her. I slammed into her, knocking her down. Somehow, her toothbrush didn't fall out of her mouth. I'd say that's fortunate.

"OOF!" She exclaimed as her back hit the ground. She hugged me as we lay on the floor. We just lied there, staring at the ceiling. She started to play with my hair, and a few seconds later I moved my head closer to her heart.

I looked up at her. "What a goddess. An absolute unit." I thought as I smiled at her, and she smiled back before kissing the top of my head.

"Ich libe dich." I snuggled into her chest. She held me tighter, smushing her cheek against my head. "Ich libe dich auch."

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

"Maliiiiiiinnaaaaaaaaa?" I asked, running around the house like a gremlin yet again. As I got to the end of my yelling, I saw a glimpse of her in our shared bedroom. She was hanging upside down from the edge of the bed.

"Yee?" She looked at me as I stood in the doorway, feet and hands against the doorway as I crouched a bit.

"You're a hearty snacc, gurl." I sent a little kiss her way. "I lobe you, grill." I held out some out some rainbow roses. "Happy one year!"

She sat up, putting her hand to her chest, her cheeks painted in blush. "Babe," She looked at me for a few seconds. "I'm twenty-seven!"

I ran to her, smashing her into the Tempur-pedic mattress and perfectly yeeting the flowers into an empty vase. I started smothering her in kisses, resulting in her beautiful laughter filling the room. I stopped for a second to scream, "ALEXA, PLAY AFRICA BY TOTO, BITCH!"

Next thing I knew, Africa was blasting through the house as I kissed and tickled my beautiful goddess of a girlfriend. Once the song was over, I lead her downstairs to the life-sized cake of her that took me an hour to make.

She started crying tears of joy, mumbling about what a great partner I am and how she's lucky to date such a talented person through her tears. I comforted her, stroking her hair as I once again screamed. "ALEXA, PLAY MINE BY BAZZI, YOU DYSFUNCTIONAL DRY CLEANER!"

And then it played.

And as Mine blasted throughout the house, we threw cake at each other.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALINA WEISSMAN YOU ABSOLUTE G O D D E S S ! ! ! ! !

The German in order is just "I love you" and "I love you too".

I'd recommend going to google translate to get the pronunciations. And the reason I chose German is bc I already knew how to say "I love you" and Malina is part German and speaks it.

Also like this is serious, but also kinda crack if you can tell bc memes.

~Phil