Marry Me - Mat Barzal

Sara ~ Three

June 16th, 2020

I was a ball of nerves. The long white dress fit me perfectly and everything seemed to fall in place. The magnolias were scattered around even in the bridal suite. I should feel nervous but excited and more importantly confident.

But all I could seem to feel was doubt.

It had been creeping up on me this past month. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

My sister took notice. She touched up my lipgloss for what seemed like the tenth time and paused when she noticed that I was out of it.

"What's wrong Sara, it's your big day."

"Nothing's wrong I'm just a little nervous." My leg starts bouncing and I try to look anywhere but her. I know she can read me like a book. And that's exactly what she does.

"I can tell when somethings up." She pushes and I give in. I almost start crying because I don't know what to do. But I keep it together for now.

"I don't know if I can do this." I let out a shaky breath and she gives me a knowing look.

"Hey it's okay. What you're feeling is okay." She soothes, holding my hand.

"No, it's not. I need to talk to Nate. Right now. Can you go find Mat for me?"

She nods softly. "Of course."

I found Nate's suite down the hall and knocked before I went in.

"Come in!" He yelled. He looked handsome in his suit and I felt horrible for what I was about to do, but I didn't want to make a scene in front of everyone.

"Sara what are you doing? I'm not supposed to see you yet its bad luck." He said trying to cover his eyes.

When I pulled his hands down and he made a pouty face. I smiled, but then I remembered what I came in here to do.

"Hey can I talk to you?" I say sitting us both down on the couch.

"For sure, what's up."

I take a deep breath. "I don't know how to do this really. It's probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But, I can't marry you. I'm so sorry."

He grabs my hand in his and I'm scared of his reaction, but when I look up there's understanding in his eyes and I'm so confused.

"You love Mat. I could feel it the last couple of months and even at our wedding shower. I didn't say anything in case you were handling it, but I can tell. I'm not mad at you for it. I love you, and this is hard, but it's a factor of life. I just want you to be happy. And if he makes you happy, then I want you to be with him."

"You are the most understanding man I have ever met." I say, giving him a hug. "Thank you for caring about me and loving me the best way that you could. I hope you find someone that loves you unconditionally. You deserve the world."

"Thank you," he smiles sadly, "I hope so too." He let go of my hand and I headed back to my dressing room.

My sister was already in my dressing room, but Mat was nowhere in sight. She had a slightly panicked look on her face when she blurted out, "Mat left. He was here when I came in, I saw him leave a present on the table, but I can't find him, I sent dad looking too. He's not here."

I felt my chest constrict. I might know where he is. "You drove right?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"Can I have your keys for a little bit? And could you maybe get some of this mess cleaned up? I'll owe you forever."

She handed me the keys and gave me a squeeze as she was on her way out. "Already on it. Now go get him." It was times like these I was so thankful for her.

I ran out the back to find her car parked relatively close. I picked up my dress at my knees and tried to situate myself in the car with out absolutely ruining it. Or shutting it in the car door. I started up the engine and my nerves got the best of me. I drove down the street I had been down so many times before, but this time it was different.

Everything was about to change.