come back // joshler

3: Tyler

After he had been crying for about half an hour, there was a light knock at the door. Tyler freaked out and tried to wipe his eyes, stood up and looked at himself from the mirror hung on top of the sink. He cringed at the sight of red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, but there wasn't much he could do about it in such a small time. He moved over to the door and swiftly opened it keeping his face down. He quickly passed whoever it was standing on the other side of the door to avoid any questions and decided to leave the house. He was fed up. He heard Zack yell after him as he pulled his shoes on and walked out to the warm summer night. He couldn't care less at the moment.

Maybe he'd just walk under a car.

That thought caused him to think of Josh. Would he miss him if he left? Because Tyler missed him even when he wasn't really gone, and he didn't know how he'd live without him anymore. It was becoming too much to bare. So Tyler pulled out his phone and went to his messages, picked Josh's contact and started typing and tearing up.

To: Jishwa

hey..i really need you to answer. i don't know how to live without you. people always say getting used to something will take time, right? and that sometimes something will not work out? well, this whole thing is not working out for me. i'm breaking. i need you back josh, i really do. why do i even beg and practically crawl on my knees when i know you still won't listen? why do i even try, josh? do you want the answer? well, it's because you told me to not give up. you told me i could stay strong. you told me people who left me aren't worth my time. did you mean that about yourself too? was i nothing but a half empty bottle for you to use and throw away when i was drained to the bottom? an empty bottle really reflects how i am right now, you know. on the outside i look fun and exciting, intriguing even, but when you open me i'm actually empty or maybe, if you're lucky, full of old and bitter drink. do you think i enjoy feeling like that, absolutely worthless? because i don't, joshua. i really don't, and i hate you for making me feel like that.

Delivered 5.07pm

Tyler sighed and looked around himself. He was standing on the sidewalk in the middle of the fancy suburban neighbourhood his grandparents lived in. He started walking faster, wanting to get as far away as possible. Luckily he knew a few shortcuts to the forest starting behind the furthest houses at the brinks of the neighbourhood. He started making his way to them, avoiding on making any eye contact with other people passing him.

After a ten-minute walk, Tyler was finally at the edge of the forest. He pulled the hood of his hoodie on his head before starting to wander deeper into the middle of the tall trees. He started humming a soft melody, and words seemed to form to go with it. He silently started singing, looking around to make sure no one was there to hear him.

"I know where you stand, silent in the trees. And that's where I am, silent in the trees. Why won't you speak where I happen to be? Silent in the trees, standing cowardly."

He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he thought of Josh. He thought of how his eyes looked when he was sleepy, he thought of how he used to randomly hug Tyler every now and then, he thought of the way his voice was so captivating. He thought and thought and thought until it was driving him crazy. He tugged on his hair roughly, trying to get his thoughts out of his brain in a childish manner. Of course he knew pulling his hair out wouldn't help, but then again he had never tried that, had he? Tyler closed his eyes in an annoyed manner and collapsed down onto the ground. It wasn't painful at all. It should've been more painful.

Why was nothing working? Why had Josh done this? What was wrong with Tyler, why did no one want to be his friend? Why, why, why? That seemed to be all Tyler could think of nowadays. Why? It frustrated him, he felt like he was stuck under a rock and no one heard his screams for help. He tugged on his hair again, this time pulling out a bunch of it. He opened his eyes and looked at his hand, huffing and throwing the strands of hair away. He got up and started kicking some rocks on the ground, but it wasn't enough to satisfy him, so he walked over to a tree and started punching it. And he kept on just punching. He couldn't even feel his hands anymore, and his vision was clouded by the tears pouring out of him, but he didn't care. He just punched until he couldn't anymore. He was tired and turned with his back against the tree, sliding down against it. He feared looking down at his knuckles, but he knew he had to. He had to get them wrapped up, but then again he was so comfortable right now, he could probably even fall asleep on the ground. So, without thinking any further, he closed his eyes and fell asleep in the middle of the forest underneath a bloody tree.