come back // joshler

10: Josh

Josh was so scared. What if Tyler hated him? What if he never wanted to hear from him again? What would he do then? What would he do now?

"I h-have to go use the, um, b-bathroom", Tyler suddenly stuttered and basically ran out of the room. Josh tried to call after him, but he couldn't. Was Tyler so disgusted? Was he angry? What would Josh do now? He had just ruined any chance he had at being friends with Tyler again. He missed hanging out with him so much. He started hitting his head with his hands and cursing at himself under his breath. After a while of trying to avoid it, he started sobbing. He was literally sobbing on the couch of his old best friend's house while he was hiding from him in the bathroom. How pathetic.

Josh didn't know how long he had been crying, but at some point Tyler entered the room, and Josh tried to calm down. Not so surprisingly he failed at his attempt. He heard Tyler walk over to the couch and then felt him sit down beside him. He wanted to apologize to Tyler for being so stupid and weird, but for a few minutes he was too nervous to do it. He thought of all the possible outcomes. Tyler could make him leave, change his phone number and never talk with Josh again. Or he could do something else. A thousand scenarios crossed Josh's head, but he had to apologize.

"I-I'm s-sorry", he mumbled, his palms getting sweaty. "I k-know i-it's weird.."

"No, it's okay", Tyler said, and Josh looked up at him confusedly. He wasn't angry? "Why were you so scared though..?"

Why was he so scared?

Deep down he knew Tyler would be okay with it. He accepted all kinds of people, but maybe Josh was just so scared of losing the one person he cared about that he didn't want to risk it, but quite clearly messed up, once again, and caused things to go worse than if he would've just been honest. He didn't know what to say to Tyler, he didn't want to hurt his feelings, but there was really no other way to tell. He started sobbing harder, not knowing what to do.

"I-I.."

"Please tell me. Was it something I said?", Tyler asked him with a concerned voice, and Josh felt a pang in his chest. It wasn't Tyler's fault whatsoever, but now he had managed to make him feel guilty because he was an idiot.

"N-no, I was s-so scared y-you'd h-hate me that I-", Josh started, but got cut off when Tyler hugged him tightly. Josh sighed quietly, feeling so happy with being in Tyler's arms again. He buried his face in his shoulder, still sobbing. He breathed in Tyler's scent and couldn't help but smile a bit. It hadn't changed a bit. Tyler started rubbing Josh's back, and Josh calmed down.

"Ty, I love you so much..", Josh mumbled against Tyler's shoulder, knowing Tyler wouldn't be able to hear what he was saying. Tyler lifted Josh up, and Josh felt his face get hot. He looked at Tyler's concerned face and felt a bit guilty.

"What'd you say?"

"N-nothing", he stuttered and blushed a deep shade of red, turning his head down. He was worried Tyler had actually heard what he was saying. Tyler sighed a bit, and he shrugged.

"Josh?"

"I-it was nothing, I s-swear..", Josh tried but he knew Tyler wouldn't let it go.

"Look me in the eyes and say it."

Josh shook his head and felt a lump forming in his throat. He was so scraed he had just ruined it again. Tyler pulled him back into a hug and Josh was surprised.

"Please?"

"N-no, Tyler, i-it wasn't anything i-important", Josh tried.

"So it was something?"

"N-no, I-I, no..", Josh stuttered out and felt his breathing get heavier again. He was so, so scared he felt like his head might explode because of it. His lungs were burning and he was on the verge of bursting into tears.

"Joshy.."

Josh shook his head against Tyler's shoulder.

"You hate me, don't y-you..", Josh mumbled against Tyler's shoulder again.

"I won't hear you if you speak against my shoulder, Josh", Tyler said, and Josh lifted his head up, not looking at Tyler. "What is it?"

"I-I missed y-you, Tyler..", Josh said. And although it wasn't what he had said before, it wasn't a lie. He really had missed him, and he had worried about him every day.

Tyler smiled at Josh genuinely and pulled him back into his arms. "I missed you too, Josh."