Fourty Five

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(Jungkook)

I clutch the necklace in my fist, tears blinding me as the front door slams shut. Why am I not going after him! Why can't I move or speak?! What's wrong with me!
I find myself collapsing down on the edge of my bed, my trembling fingers playing with the warm gold. Silver catches my eye so I turn the necklace around to see the inscription inside. I want to die.
I can't believe I did that. I refused to let him speak...I...I hit him. I was just so hurt and confused and scared. Scared of him using and rejecting me. I let that fear control my words and thoughts and twist our blooming relationship into something it wasn't.
I let out a sob and drop the necklace, burying my face in my hands. Oh god, I messed up. How could he ever forgive me? I'm sure he hates me now.
Sniffling, I run out of the room and down the stairs to see him long gone. Of course he wouldn't wait around for me. I'm not worth it.
Wiping my eyes, I grab my keys and wallet and drive like a madman towards the mansion, praying he'll give me a chance to make this up. To give us another chance. Please God...
Parking haphazardly, I run up to the door and bang, forgetting the automatic lock. A surprised guy I recognize from a past video opens the door. I shove past him and run towards Taehyung's office. I try the knob but it's locked. Cursing, I look up at the guy watching me still shocked.
"Is Taehyung in there?" I ask impatiently.
At that same moment the words leave my mouth, a loud moan and string or cries echo from under the door. I wince but don't back down. I suppose I deserve this.
He shakes his head. "No, the new guy Taehyung hired to take care of auditions now has that office. He never really comes here anymore except to check up on us sometimes. He works from home a lot now, I think."
I frown. Taehyung has a separate home? I never knew...
I clear my throat. "D-do you know where he lives?"
Whistling, he pulls out a piece of paper and scribbles down an address. My heart thuds painfully as I stare down at it. His home...
I look back up. "Thank you."
"No problem. Aren't you his boyfriend or something?" He smiles, shrugging.
I flush in shame. "O-Or something, I guess."


I leave the mansion with mixed emotions as I drive much slower towards the address given to me. A very rich and secluded area for the wealthy surround me. I feel out of place as I drive up a long driveway.
     I know it's late. Like five in the morning but it's very important. I have to see him. I have to make this right. God, I'm such a fuck up!
     I park and stare up at the large manor house before me, feeling apprehension. Reluctantly, I get out and walk up the fancy walk way to the door. I don't know how long I stare at it before finally finding the courage to knock.
      It's dark. Maybe he isn't home. Where else would he go, though? Suddenly the inside light flicks on and the door is hesitantly opened. I blink at the beautiful young woman maybe a little older than me staring back in confusion.
      "Can I help you?" She asks cautiously. Movement at her nightdress makes me look down seeing a small little boy poking his head out, smiling.
     My throat clogs up. "Um, I'm looking for Kim Taehyung." My voice is weak and faint.
      Her eyes alight with acknowledgement. The little boy claps his hands. "You want daddy!"
      I feel my heart stop completely as the woman chuckles down at her son. "Sorry, he's away on some business. He came back an hour ago and packed his bags. He's a busy man and you just missed him. My husband won't be returning for a month or two. He's gone overseas. An emergency trip."
      Daddy...
     Husband...
     Gone...
     H...husband...
     I feel like my world as just been destroyed.
     The woman frowns at me and pulls me inside the house. "Honey, you don't look well. Please come take a seat. I'll grab you something to drink." Her smile is vibrant and gorgeous. Sweet as innocent. "My name is Kim Jieun, by the way."

     "J-Jeon Jungkook

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     "J-Jeon Jungkook." I manage to whisper out.
     She disappears from the room and I find myself staring at the young boy smiling widely at me with Taehyung's signature boxy smile. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to know why Taehyung did this to me. Why he did this to them. Who is he?
      She returns with a glass of ice water. I take it, feeling guilty and hating myself. I'm in love with her husband. I've had sex with him and helped him cheat over and over again none the wiser. I want to throw up. Images of every time I've spent in his embrace run through my mind like a sick horror movie I can't shut off.
      She tightens the robe around her night dress. "So why are you looking for Taehyung? Are you one of his...boys?" She asks hesitantly, an apology in her eyes.
      I gasp almost dropping the glass. "H-his boys?"
      She nods, sitting casually on the edge of the seat across from me. "I know of his business. Are you one of his actors? You seem much too young and innocent for such a filthy career." She notes. There is no judgment in her voice, though. Just honesty. She isn't wrong.
      I release a breath. "I u-used to be."
     "It's good you've gotten out then." She shakes her head, her beautiful long hair shaking around her pale shoulders. "I've tried to convince him to do something else since he doesn't really need the money but no one can convince him to do something he doesn't want to. Kim Taehyung is a stubborn ass at times."   
      I nod numbly. "I'm sorry." Whispering, looking up at her. "For bothering you so late." And for so much more I can never say aloud for shame.
      "It's fine. This little monster has kept me up lately anyway. It's no trouble." She motions towards the little boy playing with his toys on the floor.
     I set down the glass and stand up, bowing. "Thank you for your generous hospitality. I'll be leaving now."
      She nods, following after me. "Would you like me to let Taehyung know you stopped by, Jungkook?"  
      I hesitate at the door, my fingers gripping the wood frame so tightly I feel I may break my fingers. I look back at her.
      "No. It wasn't that important anyway."

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