Need Me; Taekook

Fourty Seven

(Taehyung)

I grip the steering wheel so hard I hear it crack a little. When did he find out? Who told him? I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, listening as he struggles to get out of the car.
"It's not what you think, Jungkook."
He laughs. "Right. You know what, fuck you, Tae! Open the goddamn door! I don't want to see you ever again! Get the fuck out of my life!" He hisses.
I close my eyes, trying to calm myself. "Will you stop overreacting and listen to what I have to say for one fucking minute, Jungkook!" I blurt out, temper flaring.
He stops with the door and crosses his arms. I catch sight of gold around his neck and swallow hard. The necklace. The fact he's secretly wearing it gives me confidence to continue. I, Kim Taehyung, never thought I'd leave my confidence up to such things.
"Fine. Talk then leave me alone."
I take a few moments to gather myself before preparing to open my past life to him. It's hard. No one knows this—not the real Kim Taehyung. I've never told the full truth to any one person before. Except her.
I unlock the doors and get out, finding myself slowly wandering down the grassy hill to the clearing I wanted to bring him to. To talk.
Thankfully he follows and doesn't just drive off, leaving me here. He could have. I guess I would have deserved that.
I stop and sit down, dusting off my dress pants apathetically. He plops down right beside me. "So talk."
I stare out at the vast city lights far below the mountain ridge. "So you met my wife, Jieun?"
He nods sharply.
"It's really not what you think, Jungkook. I've known her most of my life. We grew up together." I hesitate. "I grew up in a bad place. My mother was a drunkard and father a bastard that liked to touch little boys...like myself."
I hear his breath catch but stare straight ahead. "I was really fucked up as a kid and teenager. We lived poor and in a really bad place. Around a lot of bad people. I met Jieun when I was ten. She moved in next to us and her family was pretty much the same—only it was her step father."
"I caught him beating her and her mother one night and snapped. I nearly killed him and we ran. We lived homeless for awhile before we got into...some work."
Jungkook frown. "Work? As a kid?"
I smile bitterly. "You could imagine. I was ambushed by this old guy one night and he offered to pay me...a lot of money, let's say. I was starving but mostly worried for Jieun so I agreed. She was my only friend in the world. The only one I could depend on. It wasn't my first time anyway—since m-my father had already taken that honor from me. I grew tough and hard. I did everything so she wouldn't have to suffer so much. She's too delicate for such a hard life, you know."
He doesn't say anything.
"We aren't in love. Never have been. See—when we were both nineteen, a business man offered us an extravagant amount of money to just...make a movie for him. It was a bad time for us. One movie. The both of us. That's all he wanted and we'd never have to worry about money or home or food again. She agreed even though I was against it at first. I didn't want her exposed like that. Like me. She hated what I did for her. We did it and she ended up pregnant. She was the first woman I'd ever been with. Of course I would never abandon her alone so I gave her that house and started my business with the money I-we-earned that time. My life is what gave me the idea to open a porn empire. You could say I was primed for such a business expenditure."
I lick my dry lips, reliving my harsh past, hating every disgusting thing I've ever had to do to make it to where I am now.
"I d-don't..." he pauses, gathering his thoughts seeming confused more than angry now. "Does she know what you do? That you're gay? She seems to love you like a husband."
I smile, nodding. "Yes but it's a deeper love. More than husband and wife. A kindred love. She knows what I do and hates it. She knows I love her but can also never love her back in that way. What happened back then was only once and it was out of mutual desperation."
      I claps my hands between my knees and wait for him to laugh at me or scoff in disgust and leave. I expect either one at this point.
     What I don't expect is arms to wind around me and hit breath to hit my cheek. "I-I'm so sorry, Tae. You went through all that. You didn't deserve that and I j-just can't imagine Jieun..."
      I smile, thinking of the beautiful young and vibrant woman. "Yeah, she's like an angel. Without her I don't think I could have survived, if I'm honest. She's been my saving grace from a life of torture. I'm not a good person, Jungkook. I've done a lot of fucked up things but..." I hesitate. "But I don't like to lie and won't lie to you. I love you, bunny. I love you more than anything in my life and it terrifies me because I've never felt such a thing before. Besides Jieun...I've never been given any type of love or affection." I admit, ashamed. "Just sex."
      His arms tighten and he presses tighter against my back. I feel his necklace against my skin.
      "Y-you're still wearing my necklace? Even though you thought all these things about me?" I whisper, feeling way too much at the moment. Vulnerable.
      He takes a deep breath as of breathing me in. "I...I wanted to hate you and to an extent I did. I could never manage to let it go completely, though. Pathetic but I just...just didn't want—"
      I turn my head and meet his eyes. They are filled with pain and longing and...understanding, maybe. I caress his cheek. "I want you, Jungkook. Do you still want me? If you are still unsure I'll leave you alone for good. I won't bother you anymore. I just need to know."
     A tear slides down his cheek. "I want you, Tae. I always want you...even when I knew I shouldn't. I love you."
      Too much. I close the distance between us and take his lips. It's been far too long since I've tasted him. Groaning, I fist my hand in his hair and jerk him closer to me, rolling out positions so that he's pressed underneath me on the soft grass.
      He gasps and clings to me, kissing me with every bit of hope and lust and desperation I'm feeling at the moment.
     I release his lips to trail down his throat, marking my territory after so long. Toying with his necklace, feeling at peace for the first time in...my entire life.
      "Is...is your past why you like the darker side of sex?" He rasps, moaning as I suck hard on his flesh.
      I chuckle darkly. "Mhm. I picked up a few things in my time. I like what I like." I sit up, eyeing him up and down like a delicious four course meal. "I guess I don't like being out of control. Not after...I can't do it. I need it. The control." I admit reflectively.
     He looks up at me seriously. "I get that. I love giving control over to you, Tae. It makes me feel more alive for some reason. I t-trust you."
     I grasp his wrists and pin them above his head, my nose trailing gently over his face. His eyes flicker closed. "Do you really, Jungkook? Do you really trust me? I need you to trust me, baby." I whisper, pausing at his lips and kissing them softly.
     He nods. "I'm s-sorry for how I was acting. I should have let you talk but I was so scared. Still am but I'm willing to just have faith in you. Like I should have before.."
      I smile. "You know, you are the only person in my life to ever meet Jieun and my son. If you wouldn't mind...I'd like to take you home and introduce you properly to her as my boyfriend." I stare into his eyes. "I was planning on doing that anyway. I wasn't going to keep this secret from you forever, bunny."
      He blinks. "R-really? Will that upset her?"
     I laugh. "No, baby. She knows I'm in love with someone else. She's the one that helped me decide on that necklace to make for you. She's a really great person, love."
     He blushes at my words and it makes my heart soar. "Okay...I'll go with you."
     My hands skim down over his body and I lick my lips. "But first...I need you, beautiful. I want you so fucking bad right now." I growl, nipping at his earlobe.
       He shudders. "P-please...god, Tae...I need you, too."