Heartsick

54

You always telling yourself that everything going be ok ,that there is a reason for all this pain.The life you had ,you can't have back,the choices you made affected you in all those ways ,the mistakes you made have not been forgotten.The tears you shed,the sounds you made,the feelings that left you feeling in a different way.Yet you cant feel why those tears feels so unreal.You're not the same girl ,your words are unsaid .What you hide is buried deep inside to know,to love,to breathe it hurts.You think you'll never be the girl you used to be the one that would always laugh the one that you knew would always be strong ,the feeling is real the truth is sealed .You cry in the dark if only they knew what You've been through or maybe take a walk in your shoes.No one knows how you really feel you thought you cant be healed.Your dreams are no longer dreams You've lost all your hopes ,plans and dreams,a whole piece of your life, you only feel pain makes you think you destined to feel pain.Cracked lips,tired eyes sleepless nights silent cries all because of a moron who left you ?There's a lot of things that we don't want to happen but have to accept it , the person you thought you can't live without but you can ,you just don't want to let go.You quickly get attached to him trusting to take care of your heart but sometimes  people don't meet the standards we set them high at.You never understood why he left the minds of others are always changing as hard as you try to understand you just never will.It makes you question if every word he said to you was real if really he felt the way he said he did trying to convince someone of your worth can become a sick obsession. You think that you've given enough to those you love but you never did ,think about it .if the one that you love is not truly happy with you then you should set him free and let him find happiness to me that's love.Love should be compassion and affection not that shit they use. Maybe he is way too good for you and even though you have a whole load feelings for him you'll act like you couldn't care less .You can't let go huh bc he is your universe ,the sound of his voice makes you forget everything you thinking ,he is the music you like to listen to on repeat ,the poems and stories you have in your notepad, the mug of hot chocolate on a cold winter day,the list could go on forever and ever . Its sad i know how minute you can have everything and the next collapsed on the bathroom floor shedding tears wondering if you want to be on this earth anymore bc the person you love to death doesn't love you anymore or never once love you and now your  nightmares have come back visions that haunt you at night crying yourself to sleep wondering why he did you so wrong and everything that is wrong with you checking your phone every minute hoping its him then you'll get disappointed and cry some more .It's sad how one person can drive you this crazy when you can't even make them smile. Stop worrying honey you thinking you'll never get over it but you also thought what you had will last forever.A time will come you'll look back and wonder how or what made you sad and why you don't feel it anymore . To heal a wound you need to stop touching it ..You are about to be released from the pain right into blessings you just have to hold on and be patient .Pray, He won't let you feel pain without giving relief He won't forget the effort you put in the prayers you made at night he might not give you everything you want in this life but he will give you everything and more in the next life. Put your hands up and talk to Him he made it he will mend it.I pray y'all find happiness not the kind that makes you fake a smile bc you think you should be happy not the one that would be followed by pain and suffering no real and raw happinesss that lights soul.I know how hard its to be struggling alone i will always be here for every single one of you all you have to do is reach out. i can be that guy i can be there when you feel sad  to make you happy I'll be right by your side to wipe away the tears to take away all your fears to make everything alright to hold you tight.