E-Dating

Chapter 2: Heartaches by the Number

The next 3 weeks went good for us... yes a little argument here and there... but thats healthy in a relationship right? It felt like after every argument we had our bond had not changed or grew stronger as we started to understand eachother more and more but now something special was coming up... we had almost been dating for a whole month... that calls for a anniversary right? I never did that with my exes so it was all pretty new to me... it had to be special and romantic... 1 day in the month that had to be better then any of the other days...Shouldn't be difficult right? boy ow boy was I wrong... its pretty difficult if she lives on the other side of the world... and so I asked my boss if I could get the day and the day after off so I could atleast be with her for the whole day.... I kept on thinking... what to do... what to do... but since we talked 24/7 and played games there weren't many things left to do... If it wasn't for her... the whole day would have been a catastrophe... our first anniversary... was the day she opened up to me... and I am not talking mentally... I am talking physically... yes we had been intimate before... but she was always shy... I get why.. showing your body off to someone on the internet is not something you do every day right? She considers herself fat whereas I consider her perfect... I loved her shape... I told her from day one she was beautifull and she always came up with something to say she wasn't... though because I am as stubborn as possible it would be difficult to change my mind about her....

And that day she showed herself to me... in what she said was "emberassing"..... lingerie.... that was the first time for me to see the person im in love with in lingerie... it was tge hottest thing ever... i wanted her more and more... but on the other side.. i'm thinking; why the hell would she date a dork like me... she shows herself off in the most amazing way possible... and all i got to show for is a my crotch... its not like im muscled... i am underweight and next to that i would not consider myself handsome... yet she thinks i am... i didn't know if she just tried to make me feel better or was telling the thruth.. that it was hpw she truly felt... and i hate myself for thinking she would lie... but whenever something was wrong with me... she could tell.. even when i played it off like i was sleepy or something... so shes just able to spot that in poeple... or she shows that shes ectually busy with it all day.. looking at me. Looking at how i react to things... the tone of my voice... maybe maybe this is how she knows when im pissed off or stressed or tired or drunk... just to name a few...

Our anniversary ended with me going to sleep at the same time she went... i felt like we both went to sleep with a smile on my face... she always knew how to make me happy... how to make me forget about dreadfull things... this is what i looked for in a girlfriend next to her personality... someone i can rely on... someone i can come to if i have problems... though then another thing occured to me... what if i had a problem about her thst i needed to talk about... going to her herself would be difficult... and i didnt have many actuel friends to speak off... how the hell was i gonna fix this... the only thing i could come up with was bottling it up... and that bit me in the ass later on... it wasnt like i had ectual issues with her... far from it... just for example if we got into a fight and we solved it then fine... but something in me seels advice from someone non-biased... i never foumd that person...

The next weel went good for us aswell.. valentines day came up and sadly she was on her period... it didnt matter to me though... it made this a win-win situation... i bought her chocolate covered strawberries. To be delivered at her door on the 14th... ive never seen her so happy with something i gave her.... she hates eating infront of the camera but this time she didnt care as i got to watch how she ate every last bit of it... and i felt pleased... it would have been more romsntic if i was there... but those were luxuries i couldnt afford... even if i did have a job...

Remember when i told you the part about bottling up feelings would bite me in the ass? Well... the time had arrived...1 week after valentines dsy she caught a virus.. and her birthday was coming. She planned a big party. Stressing about it as she tired herself out with the birthday.. school... chores... and then there is me... i was getting cranky that week as it was super busy at work.. and i was barely able to talk to her... so when i did all these emotions bursted out of nowhere on her.. causing her more stress... it never was my intent... and this almost costed our relationship... i was always breathing down her neck. Almost controlling her on who she could and could not talk to... i felt like an asshole... i told her i would back off a little... give her sone space to breath untill it all blew over.. after tjat i didnt know... i was trying to keep this relationship afloat... yet it seemed like the ship was sinking.... this would be the hardest week of our relationship