[DISCONTINUED] Brendon Urie imagines

It can't be forever

 WARNING: SAD STORY

Reflecting on your past memories made you happy, it distracted you from your illness. Your ex- boyfriend, Brendon, had made your past memorable but when he left you, it just went downhill. You fell ill a few days after Christmas, your brother died a month later and your dad left your mum. Everything was rubbish. You hadn't seen Brendon since the breakup and it broke your heart. Every so often, you'd check his Instagram to see if he'd posted, but it was just photos of his dogs, Penny and Bogart and photos of him & his friends.

 Your cancer treatment felt horrible and according to your doctor, it wasn't helping very well. The doctors where trying to figure out ways to cure you or make you better but the methods just didn't seem to work.

Slumping further down the bed, you heard footsteps approach your hospital room door. Then an abrupt knock followed.

"Yes?" You sighed, people were in and out of your room 50 million times a day and it was tiring.

"May I come in miss?" Said a low voice.

"Yeah." You croaked, your voice crumbling.

In walked your doctor, holding a clipboard. His eyebrows not furrowed as usual, a rare fake smile plastered on his face, glasses half-way down his nose.

"This is rare." He said, glancing at the clipboard.

What?! Had they found a cure for my cancer? After all the attempts, had they done it?! Had they eventually discovered a life-changing phenomenon?

"You have a guest." He announced.

Oh

"Who?" You mumbled, rather disappointed.

"He goes by the name of Brendon Boyd Urie."

I wanted to hear this news a while ago, I would've physically leapt out of bed and ran to his arms, that was just after the breakup, now, I've gotten over him.

"Wow, okay." You whispered. "Let him in."

With that, the doctor left and appeared again with your ex.

"Hi Brendon." You said, as you shuffled around your spot.

"Hey, I popped in to see how you're doing, but now the doctor told me you're in a more critical state than I thought." He scratched the back of his neck.

You felt offended, would he care if my cancer was mild? Would it be 'just another illness'?

I looked into his deep dark eyes, not seeing anything, until he stepped forwards into a spot where the light hit his eyes. They didn't wince at the brightness, just stared into my eyes. His skin was still decorated with little freckles you could only see if you stared hard enough, the little slice out of his eyebrow still visible. How did I forget to love this man? Time seemed to distract me from him, I forgot why I loved him, but I still have not had a good conversation with him.

"I hear that you're not on the mend.." He tried to fill the awkward gap of silence that was enveloping the air.

"No..." I mumbled, for the second time that day.

"Well, I brought you flowers." He smiled his iconic smile, whilst handing you a pretty bunch of primroses. One of your favourite types of flower.

"Thanks Brendon." You smiled, lost in his glow.

The doctor had left due to the awkward air he felt, but Brendon felt the same.

"Why do you feel awkward?" You whimpered, noticing his fidgeting hands and his distracted glances at his feet.

"I suppose I feel bad for, you know, moving on." He kept his head low.

"Yeah, I moved on to." A heavy weight of guilt fell into your stomach.

"Wh-who are you with now?" His eyes drooped, looking sad.

"No- one, why would you expect ME to have a new partner when I can barely like myself?" You spat, anger fizzing in your lungs.

"And I bet you have yourself a lovely new lady don't you?" You hadn't felt this angry in ages, and it felt good to let it go, you just didn't realise it hurt Brendon.

"W-well, I.."

"You do, don't you?! Go back to her, it makes me sad to see you again and forget being alone, wanting you back, it's hard Brendon." I whimpered, wiping my now wet eyes.

"I have no partner, I don't want anyone but you..." He glanced up into my eyes, all he saw was a wash of stress, illness and anger.

"I can't deal with this right now. There's no point! The people here don't think i'll last another month!! It's not fair to let you love me for then and then I leave you like you did to me, Brendon, you wasted time. Why did you leave me? Because you felt 'Not ready'. Brendon, we were 17, had a healthy relationship and now i'm almost 19 and you come back NOW, when I'm about to go?! That's almost 2 years of happiness we could've had. Being in here sucks! Now go away and find yourself another girl like me, just not ill!" I breathed out, exhausted.

Tears formed in his eyes, a look of more sadness washed all over him.

"I love you, no matter if you're ill or not, and there's no other girl like you. I think you need time to think." And with that he rushed out.

I have no time.

Barely any anyway.

-

Half a month later, your mother was mourning your loss, your dad was still missing and Brendon was broken. His heart ached to think the last thing he said to you was "I think you need time to think". It was stupid, the discussion could've gone another way if he'd just listened to you and reassured you. But cancer had taken you away, after your 1 year and 11 months battle.

-

 I'm sorry if this made you sad. 

*Hands tissue to you* 

I'm sorry. <3