Lost- Suga (Min Yoongi) X Depressed Reader

Chapter 17

Y/N pov

I woke up due to my feet giving me pain. I get out of bed and walk to the kitchen to grab some pain killers. Some members cocked their eyebrows when they saw me reach for them.

“My feet hurt.” I say as they nod and continued to watch the movie that was playing on the TV. I think they were watching 1408 but, I wasn’t sure.

I grab a pill and a cup of water. I then swallow the pill feeling a little better. I started to walk to my room to take a shower because it had been some time since my last shower.

While I was grabbing the clothes I was going to wear I decided to take a bath instead of a shower. I filled the bathtub up and made sure it was the right temperature. I eyed the razor blade that was on the side of the tub but shook my head. After I got undressed I sat in the bathtub. I started to actually realize that I had accepted to be in the music video.

“Crap.” I mutter as I bring my legs to my chest and put my head on them, grabbing my hair because of stress. I’ve never been good being in front a crowd. Yes, I have been on a TV show with bts but it was unexpected and I didn’t really have time to think. When I’m in front of a crowd I start to break down. And I know I technically won’t be in front of them but so many people watch their music videos. But to me it was the same. The last time I stood in front of a crowd was in high school. I kept stuttering and fidgeting.

I thought of all of those Army’s that would disapprove of me even being in the same world as them. I thought of Haylee. I thought of how many people think I’m worthless. Thinking of my dad, I grabbed the blade and put it to my skin and sliding it across slowly. It hurt but I deserved it. My wrists were completely drenched in red. I then went to my thighs. I’ve always hated my thighs. They're so fat and ugly. After I finished cutting I sat the blade down and drained the water seeing the red water swirl down the drain. I stood up to take a shower cause I didn’t want to wash my hair in my blood.

After I finished I walked out of the shower and grabbed a pink towel and wrapped it around my body. I dried my hair and put my clothes on. I picked out a big baggy yellow hoodie. With black leggings and yellow uggs. I didn’t bother bandaging my cuts. Plus the members would be suspicious as to where the bandage was going.  I brushed my hair not really doing anything with it.  I decided I wanted to go into Yoongi's studio for a bit. I missed breakfast because I was in the bath. I grabbed the key that was on my nightstand. I grabbed my computer and went into Yoongi's room. I didn’t see him in the room. I walked to the studio and put the key in the door and opened it to see Yoongi with headphones on working on something. He turned his head when I had opened the door. He took off his headphones.

“Hello.” He said as he smiled.

“Can I come in here right now?” I ask.

“Yeah.” He said as I shut the door and sit on the leather couch. I pull my laptop out and start to work on Red Velvet's schedule. While I was working I started to scratch my arm. I could see the blood start going through my hoodie. I stopped and pulled my hoodie sleeve away from the skin but it wasn’t helping.

“I’ll be right back.” I say as Yoongi nods looking at me. I was about to walk out the door when I hear Yoongi say something

“Wait.” He says again as I turn around.

“What’s on your sleeve?” He asks as my head drops.

“Nothing, just a ketchup stain.” I say quickly trying not to stutter.

“Y/N thats no ketchup stain. Have you been cutting?” He asks.

“No.” I say as my voice went higher then it usually is.

“Let me see you arm.” He says as I hesitate.

“Y/N roll you sleeves up.” He says more demanding this time. I roll my sleeves up to reveal hundreds of new and old cuts, but there were more old then new.

“Y/N I'll be right back.” Yoongi says as I walk to sit on the couch. He comes back with a a first aid kit. He wrapped my arms with bandages after putting a cream all over it.

“Please Y/N stop cutting. I know it’s not easy I’ve been there but please for me. For the members, for your mom. Y/N it scares me to think that one day I might wake up and you're gone. And that wouldn’t just hurt me, it would hurt all of the members.” Yoongi said as he held my hand. A tear slips from my eyes.

“That’s the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me.” I say as Yoongi wipes my tear. My stomach starts to growl, causing me and Yoongi chuckle.

“Now come on let’s get you some food. I know you didn’t eat breakfast. What do you want?” He asks as I think for a second then coming up with an answer.

“I really just want some fries from McDonald’s. I love those things.” I say as he smiles.

“Okay, I’ll be right back with the fries.” He says as he starts to put on shoes. They were black and had white lines going across them.

“Thank you.” I say as he nods.

After Yoongi left I just continued to work on the schedules. I just worked on them until Yoongi came back. Which was longer then it was supposed to take.