when i speak

busy

i don't sleep anymore

instead, i practice conversations

with you

conversations that we will never have

i shape sounds

with my mouth

folding origami thoughts

into syllables,

fitting syllables into pseudowords

it feels like i'm trying to strip

the stars from the inside of my skull

it feels like the words might shatter

if i'm not gentle enough

i am too careful, holding my breath,

staring into the dark,

making feeble eye contact

with the ghosts who watch me

i can't sleep anymore

i'm too busy

practicing words that i will never speak