𝖗𝖚𝖓𝖆𝖜𝖆𝖞 [mackannie]

one.

written in annie's pov.
set six months after the prologue.

i sit on my bed, crying my eyes out, blood dripping from my thighs for the third time this week. i'm dabbing at the fresh cuts with a tissue when there's a soft knock at the door. i pull the duvet over my bloody legs and mumble a quiet "come in".

the door opens a little and i see hayley's tiny figure standing in the door frame. she looks upset.

"what's wrong, hay?" i ask, as if i'm not covered in blood and salty tears.

"i heard you crying," hayley whispers. she sticks her thumb in her mouth and walks over to my bed, climbing onto it, "did daddy shout at you again?"

i nod gently, wrapping my arm around hayley. "don't worry about it though."

"annie, why does daddy hate you?" hayley asks quietly.

"he doesn't hate me," i lie, "he's just angry at me."

"he told mommy he wishes you hadn't been born," hayley tells me quietly, "i heard them arguing when i woke up for a glass of water last night."

i sigh, "hayley, i'm gay. that's why daddy is angry with me."

"gay?" hayley questions, "like a lesbian?"

i nod, "yep. i'm a lesbian."

hayley sits cross legged and thinks quietly for a few minutes. "why does daddy get angry because of that?"

"because in the bible it says that homosexuality is a sin. daddy thinks i'm a sinner," i tell hayley quietly.

"doesn't it say that man shall not lay with man?" hayley asks, "it doesn't say anything about lesbians."

i laugh softly and ruffle hayley's hair, "well daddy still thinks i'm a sinner."

"i don't think you are," hayley tells me, trying to fix her hair, "if that's who you are, that's who you are. you can't change that."

i sigh, "god hay, why is a twelve year old more understanding than my own father?" i lie back on my bed and cover my face with my arms, trying to hide the fact i'm tearing up.

"i don't know. have you kissed a girl?" hayley asks, standing up and walking over to my desk. she sits on the swivel chair and starts playing with my lipsticks, swatching them on her wrists.

"no," i tell her.

"have you kissed a boy?" she inquires.

"yeah, but i didn't like it. i mean, it was nice, but i didn't feel anything."

"like fireworks?"

"yeah. i didn't feel the fireworks."

"who was it?" hayley asks me.

"hayden summerall," i whisper, embarrassed.

hayley's head shoots up, "you kissed hayden summerall?!"

"yup. and then a week later i told him i was gay and he called me a whore," i shrug.

"he's an idiot," hayley says, shaking her head in annoyance, "can i borrow this?" she asks, holding up a nude lipstick of mine.

"uh, sure, but why?" i ask.

"i don't know. you never wear it and it looks cute on me," she says, applying the lipstick in my vanity mirror whilst puckering her lips.

i roll over and bury my face in my pillow, "stop growing up," i groan, the words muffling themselves into the cotton pillowcase.

"what?" hayley questions, "oh well, i gotta go, coco wants to play roblox with me."

i sigh, "bye." as soon as the door shuts i peel back my now bloodstained bed sheets. sit up and grab some of the tissues and make my way to my en suite bathroom. i run the tissues under a stream of cool water for a few moments, then sit down on my toilet seat, wiping gently to clean the dried blood off my thighs.

once they're clean, i place a few nude band aids over the fresh cuts to try and stop the bleeding. then i unlock the bathroom door and step into my bedroom, only to find caleb perched on the end of my bed, screwing his face up over my bloody sheets.

"caleb!" i squeal, grabbing a blanket and covering my lower half as i'm only in a t-shirt and underwear.

he looks up at me. "annie, stop fucking cutting yourself! it isn't gonna make shit any better!"

i bite my lip. "caleb, i'm sor-"

"sorry doesn't make those cuts go away!" caleb yells. only him and mackenzie, my best friend, know about my cutting. "honestly annie, why can't you find a healthy way to let out your emotions? those scars are never gonna fade. ever."

"piss off, caleb," i hiss, "you know i'm trying to stop."

"trying isn't good enough," caleb snarls back. he grabs the three bloody sharpener blades from my bedside table and holds them in his clenched fist.

"why are you being such a dick?" i ask, pulling my favourite blue jeans on.

"because i'm so scared of losing you, annie!" caleb yells.

"well you have a really fucking weird way of showing it!" i shout back, then storm out of my room, slamming the door behind me.