I closed the door behind me as Lance walked away. He had just saved my life. Ruined my death.
But I have to be thankful to live, right? Yeah because this world doesn't let you say your emotions.
If you say you are beautiful, you are a snob.
If you say you are ugly, you want attention.
That's how corrupt this disgusting world is. How the people are. We can't say anything without being judged. We can't say how we feel without people thinking we are over exaggerating every single word. So we sit there upset, angry in a puzzle of emotions unable to speak about it. We drive ourselves crazy until we don't find a point in life.
And then there goes another life.
People find it sad to see someone pass away. To commit.. Suicide.. But we do nothing about it. If we see someone sad we ask what's wrong, but do we actually want to know? Probaly not. It's just something we ask to sound like we care. To hear gossip or just to sound nice.
I was used to these thoughts.
I had them a lot.
"Matt! I'm going on a walk!" I shouted up the stairs.
"But it's pitch black outside and it's kinda late, don't you think!?" He shouted down.
I went out the door and was hit by the chilled wind. I didn't care about Matt's answer, I was going.
I walked down the pathways and alleyways. Until I got to the beach. The tide was in. But it didn't matter, I sat on a ledge.
It was a bit where you had to slide under the blue metal fence and there was the bit of concrete, and on the right of it was some stairs. Stairs that weren't used anymore. Well not much anyway.
Normally I'd go and walk down the steps and on the sand, but the tide was in. But that was fine. I wanted the tide to be in. The ledge was a metre or two up from the water so it was safe unless you fell.
Hopefully I wouldn't fall into the dark abyss of the water.
I imagined myself underneath the water fading down into the dark abyss of the water. Looking up at the blurred stary sky as I slowly pass away. The cold burning my skin. My body feeling less and less weight, almost weightless. A sad smile plastered on my face, knowing I would die for no one to miss me. No one to care.
It would be relaxing. Except from the burning sensation in your chest as every ounce of air is being replaced by water until you drown.
Sometimes all colour would go dull. Not literally but figuratively. In your mind. Sometimes colour would fade and everything would be dull but sometimes everything seemed dark.
There were no clouds in the sky, just stars. The stars that highlighted the darkness of the sky reflected off the water. The reflection moving in the water. I looked down to the right to see the stairs leading to the rocks.
I decided to go down there. I might've been engulfed by the water surrounding it but what would it matter?
I was born in the wrong place in the wrong time. And nothing could change that.
I often thought about where we went after death. I had read a book about a gay couple and one of the was suicidal. The suicidal guy thought that after death we turned to butterflies. I won't spoil it because its a really good book.
Maybe we do. Maybe we do turn into butterflies. As the book says, butterflies are too beautiful to just be insects.
So I just sat there, left to my thoughts. On the rocks. Looking out to the water.
So this is pretty much a rant. Not really part of the story but we are gon a say this is what Keith is feeling. Plus the part where I referred to a book Keith had read, it's actually a klance Fanfiction.
Go to my reading list and onto 'Butterflies can fly, right?' it's an amazing book. Here's a picture of it:
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