As Long As Stars Are Above You

6- I'm trying

Dianne felt guilty. That is all she could feel. Sitting in Joe's arms, feeling like both of them were empty gave an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She thought she'd conquered that barrier in her life, of learning to live with the pain, but she definitely didn't. She hadn't told Joe everything and she began to doubt if she ever would. She didn't want to keep information from him but she didn't particularly want to tell him it either. He'd done everything for her. Telling him this could alter everything and he didn't know how to feel about it.
"We're just strangers now." Joe finally voices, breaking the tension.
"To him, I mean. I never knew him but clearly he meant a lot to you. So he means a lot to me too. But he's just a stranger to us now. Can you even picture his face? That's what I meant earlier." Joe reasons. She'd came back to their apartment sobbing that she was sorry. He told her to cut back on saying sorry because it wasn't her fault. He didn't know it, but he'd triggered a switch in her in the worst way possible and she found herself wondering why she was still in this relationship. Until she remembered he didn't know everything.
"I can." She simply shrugs her shoulders, letting tears collapse down her face. She wants to explain but she doesn't. Something stops her. Maybe it's the trust issues she's compiled or maybe it's the fact that Joe would never understand.

Joe's sat with the same complacent, yet empty look on his face that matches Dianne's. He's never been one to express his emotions fondly but thinking about breaking up is even harder. He's not fully prepared to put it out there in the open and he likes to believe that Dianne needs him. But day by day, she proves him wrong. It's the little moments like her saying she wants to be alone that really gets to him. He doesn't know how to feel anymore. He's tried so many times to pry even a little information out of her but she won't budge.

"There's so much you don't know." Dianne says bitterly eventually. She doesn't know why now feels like a good time to bring it up but after their first dinner in weeks she feels that it's appropriate.
"It isn't that I don't want to know." Joe says, hoping it's the right thing to say.
"You never really asked though." She shrugs again. She's angry and whilst she wants to bury her hormones, she knows this is deeper than just a period. She's been feeling this way for a while.
"Because every time I try to you shoot me down. I'm trying Di, but you're not making it easy." Joe regrets the words as soon as he's said them but he's fed up of regretting everything. His motto used to be to have no regrets but now he finds himself sighing every time he opens his mouth.
"I'm not saying you have to stay with me Joe. Just because my ex- who was also my best friend by the way- died and I'm trying to get through the situation, it doesn't give you an excuse to stay. You're clearly unhappy in this relationship." Joe waves his arms about in an 'Are you kidding me?' gesture.
"You're the one who's always saying you'd rather be alone. Tell me honestly that you want to sleep in the same bed as me tonight."
"I can't do that." She shakes her head, her tears flying free for the millionth time in this day.
"Because you wouldn't mean it." Now Joe shakes his head, just what he thought.
"No. Because saying that would mean I'm not contemplating what I'm doing in this relationship every night. I'm not lying there awake, just to hear your breathing. It would mean that I'm not being honest to you and I don't intend to do that." She takes his hand, but he just drops it.
"I think you should sleep in the guest bedroom tonight." The final words Joe says before he leaves. She can tell he's crying.

A/N: Just another update of another argument...
Enjoy!
Bye x