Flowers for you

🥀

When I wake up the next day, the heaviness doesn't leave me as I stare at the ceiling feeling sorry for myself. I ignore Jasper's texts because I am afraid, I might feel worse if I responded. I get up and stare at the light outside my window.

I felt hopeless. For myself and for my need to find Jasmine. Why was I so desperate to find her? Was it because I really cared about her or was it because she represented the 'good' part of me? Could I not be good without her? My chest tightens as I remember Nathan's words and how he looked when he said it. I feel tears in my eyes again, but I blink them away and force myself to get up. Spot stretches from a corner and follows me down stairs.

It was then I realized why I was desperate to find Jasmine. She was out there somewhere, being held captive by someone who was sick enough to send me flowers for each time he hurt her. I can't even begin to imagine if that sicko touched her. I shiver as I try to make coffee. Then my focus shifts back to Nathan, and a new emotion overwhelms me. What gave him the right to come inside my house and call me a whore? It still stung but something about all of it didn't add up.

As I grab a cup of coffee, someone banged on the door. At first, I just stare at it, surprised at how hard the banging had come. Then it came again prompting spot to bark and run towards it.

"Pat?" Jasper's voice reaches my ears. He sounded urgent. Almost panicked. My feet don't move immediately but once they do, Jasper was urgently banging on the door. When I open it, I drop the mug on the ground, twitching as I felt sharp pain on my bare feet. But right then and there I could see why he was banging so heavily. I couldn't even look at him as my eyes continued to stare at the front yard of our house.

Jasmines.

A lot of them. Spread all across our yard. They were in different colors. Some were being moved by the wind. I couldn't breathe. I can hear Jasper calling my name, but I step around him and stare at the Jasmines scattered across our yard.

"Ja-Jas-," I stammer, feeling hot tears down my face. Fear almost swallows me whole as I try to remember what Jasper had told me.

Her body was found in a field of Rosemary's.

I shake my head. "No- No, No, No. Jasmi- Jas?" I was too afraid to look, afraid I might find her dead body in our front yard. I feel a hand around my waist as I stumble back and turn to meet the greenest eyes I have ever seen. I practically begged him to tell me she wasn't there with the look I give.

"It's okay, she's not there," his voice comes in a gentle whisper and I release a thousand sobs. I probably sounded like a dying whale, but I didn't care. My whole body was shaking. People around our neighborhood were staring but they had smiles on their faces. I wanted to scream at them, to hate them for thinking this was something to smile about.

But they didn't know what this meant. Only two people knew what this meant. Me and the one trying to hold me together. I let him drag me back inside as I watch spot play with the flowers on the yard. He closes the door and takes me to the sofa where I almost don't let him go.

I sit there, cradling myself as I listen to him clean up the mess I have made. Then he was in front of me, his face tired but serious. I didn't know what to do anymore. I watched him clean the cuts on my feet and legs, washing them and placing band aids. Had Jasper always been this gentle?

"Why is this happening?" I ask when I find my voice again. He doesn't answer right away but sighs as he keeps the first aid back inside its container and places it on the coffee table. I still haven't stopped shaking. He notices and places his hands over my own. They were the slightest of touches, like he was trying to touch me and not touch me at the same time. Still, I felt my skin burn under it.